Foolish Felons: Mission Impossible Comprehending Reggie Harding Club Spit

"If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" - Will Rogers

If Ryan Rollins returning to scene of crime and big Fani Willis as GA DA trying to rehab her image in church are the new norm to make lives matter, then our nation is in deep doo-doo. Rollins, on target as Toledo's top scorer as a sophomore in 2021-22, was accused of shoplifting multiple times during last fall from a Target store in Alexandria, Va., while a member of the NBA's Washington Wizards. All-Mid-American Conference first-team selection was charged with seven counts of petit larceny (twice in September-four times in October-once in November) pilfering body wash, candles, sporting goods, groceries and more valued at less than $1,000. He seemingly was desperate for these household items despite his contract including a fully guaranteed $1.7 million salary for the 2023-24 campaign and $600,000 of his 2024-25 salary fully guaranteed. Did he think he was still a poor college student desperate for goods as a senior or was Plagiarist Biledumb confiscating too much of his hefty NBA check in taxes?

The bizarre behavior in Biden's what-is-yours-is-mine economy includes players from recent seasons and more than 60 years ago. There was no telling where the twists and turns could go for Syracuse walk-on Brenda Paul this year when the alleged "mule" for rap mogul Sean "Diddy" Combs was arrested. In a version of "disrespecting by elderly," former NFL end with New York Giants Clyde "Pete" Hall was in his 80s last spring when arrested in federal drug sting with seven kilograms of cocaine. Hall, who also played hoops for Marquette in the late 1950s, was found guilty of investment fraud in 2010, receiving a 20-year sentence for swindling investors of more than $4 million. Last QB for Marquette football in 1959 served portion of penalty calling signals in home confinement during the coronavirus pandemic. A couple of years ago, intellectual-lightweight thugs may have thought they were on precipice of free Big Macs and Happy Meals as reparations when vandalizing a Ronald McDonald House in Chicago. Actually, all the criminals did was terrorize sick kids inside undergoing cancer and other hospital treatment. How reprehensible is that "protest"? In an attempt not to "bait" inept Chi-raq Mayors Lori Lightweight and her whiny successor plus Cook County State's Attorney Kim Foxx, it should be pointed out that NCAA coaches, administrators and officials are equally incompetent in dealing with riotous bad actors.

Speaking of riots, small-college vagabond Bryce Williams (Crown MN, Saint Leo FL, Lancaster Bible PA and Wisconsin-Stevens Point from 2013-14 through 2016-17) pleaded guilty to federal arson in connection with a violent mob burning the south Minneapolis Police Department's Third Precinct in May 2020. He was sentenced to three years and three months in federal prison plus ordered to help pay $12 million in restitution for the damage. Williams, holding a molotov cocktail while another individual lit the wick, was identified at the scene from surveillance footage. He brazenly published videos of himself and other rioters to his TikTok account and gave an interview on Instagram describing his punk participation. The "Influencer" apparently was in middle of making a documentary showcasing George Floyd protests across the country. Fentanyl-user Floyd was a former juco hooper in Florida.

Basketball seems to have more skeletons in its closet than mass murderer John Wayne Gacy. Say what? Well, when incredulity bubbles up, that's how you secure an affiliation with Reggie! Reggie! Reggie! Reggie Harding, a seven-foot "gangster," was the first player drafted into NBA without having played in college (1962). He was shot dead in an argument at a Detroit intersection at the age of 30 in 1972. Local lore has it that, upon a masked Harding robbing the same gas station for the third time in his own neighborhood, the attendant told him he knew who it was. "No, man, it ain't me," Harding was said to have replied. "Shut up and give me the money!" Seems as if public should be responding to athletic social scholars in similar fashion: "Shut up and play!"

With Harding as the state's "stupid" headliner worthy of Will Rogers quotation, perhaps we shouldn't be surprised about repulsive revelations at Michigan State, where Spartans needed Trojans playing miniature hoops strip poke her learning how to conduct themselves with opposite sex in dormitory room at freshman orientation in late August 2010. Let's hope MSU coach Tom Izzo, in his tireless quest "worrying about the survivors" along with chronic criminal Keith Appling, finally knows the identities of chain-reaction scholars he brought to campus in this among other sordid incidents. Scum has risen to the top of pond of moral values that college athletics pretends to represent when featuring its version of a Benny Hill show.

Never underestimate logic of the moronic. Much of the crazy spit in hoopdom is skool-daze weirder than Davidson grad Stephen Curry's expressed view of moon landings. BSLSD tax cheat Al "Not So" Sharpton probably believes the colossal collection of crazed characters deserve some "R-E-S-P-I-C-T." But whether for money or not, Harding and Shell are mocking worthy of a basketball segment guest hosted by fossilized frauds Reverend Al and "anti-termite" Screwie Louie Farrakhan on "America's Dumbest Criminals" TV show after Queen of Soul Arthea's funeral in Harding's hometown of Detroit. Dumb demonstrations are in their uncivilized DNA. The following alphabetical list of intolerable foolish felons and faulty fellows joined Harding as Beavis & Butthead jerks as disgusting as James Comey's FISA-lies FBI seventh-floor front office in concert with smear-merchant lame-stream #MessMedia and wild-eyed Michigan Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib of the Odd Squad:

A DOLT ENTERTAINMENT: Glendon Alexander (Arkansas/Oklahoma State) was imprisoned at Seagoville (Tex.) Federal Correctional Institution after pleading guilty to bank and wire fraud. Among a variety of con jobs and scams, Alexander's most brazen was transferring nearly $1.5 million from the account of a California adult-entertainment industry executive into his account. Alexander, who averaged 10.1 ppg from 1996-97 through 1999-00 before saying later he seldom attended class at either school, took the money after meeting the nanny of the adult entertainment figure's children in an internet chat room and visiting her in Encinitas, Calif. Alexander, who earned a spot on the 1996-97 SEC All-Freshman team with Arkansas before competing in the NCAA playoffs with Oklahoma State, also admitted to writing checks totaling $46,500 off the commercial account of a Dallas area dentist and $150,000 worth of cash. He averaged 9.4 ppg in 1998-99 when OSU teammate Doug Gottlieb led the nation in assists after assisting himself to credit cards of other students and exiting Notre Dame. Described by Razorbacks coach Nolan Richardson as "a troublesome person; an habitual liar," Alexander was arrested in May 2009 and sentenced to six months in federal prison for failure to make restitution payments. He reportedly attempted to cash with forged signature a scholarship check belonging to an OSU teammate. Con man used alias "Cerruti Brown" when trying to create the AmeriLeague, a fledgling pro basketball alliance based in Las Vegas for recognizable castoffs scheduled to conduct its draft in fall of 2015 before unraveling.

TARGETING DOMINO EFFECT: Darrell Allums (UCLA), center for the Bruins' 1980 NCAA Tournament runner-up, was sentenced to nine years in state prison for armed robbery. According to a probation report, Allums became dependent on cocaine and turned to robbing Target stores and Domino's Pizza deliverymen in the South Bay area in 1987 to get cash. If Allums crossed the state line, a unique "game under 30 minutes" of one-on-one could have unfolded if he encountered Jason Petrimoulx (UNLV), who faced a count of forgery as a Domino's delivery driver in mid-September 2007 (accused of making imprint of customer's debit card). Another Final Deplore pizza thief was Lorenzo Charles (North Carolina State), who began the 1982-83 season in the doghouse after pilfering two pizzas from a delivery boy while in summer session before "movin' on up" to penthouse providing decisive dunk in NCAA Tournament championship game against heavily-favored Houston. Craving also must have consumed Tyrone Nelson (Prairie View/New Mexico State), who was charged with robbing a pizza man in late summer 2006.

FIVE-FINGER DISCOUNT FOR FIRST FIVE-STAR NCAA BID: Malik Alvin (Texas-El Paso/Binghamton/Shaw NC) was suspended three games by BU in school's first NCAA playoff season (2008-09 when averaging 11.5 ppg, 3 rpg and 3.7 apg) after charged with stealing pack of 36 condoms from a Wal-Mart and knocking an elderly woman to the floor on way out. Larceny charge was dropped and Alvin pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct (customer suffered concussion). In fall of 2009 after a student reported her debit card was stolen and used to make unauthorized purchases, Alvin was among multiple transfers kicked off BU's roster (including ex-Jacksonville player David Fine/son of Syracuse assistant coach Bernie Fine immersed in scandal a couple of years later). Giving a middle finger to one of its professors, BU fired a lecturer in Human Development amid her accusations the athletic department gave preferential treatment to hoopers and pressured her to change grades. If not discerning it's unwise to submit "free" papers, copying them off the Internet as research classwork, we presume Alvin learned most schools give away free condoms for his "work" off the court. Alvin, a Philly product, previously was dismissed by UTEP (averaged 8 ppg, 2.9 rpg and team-high 4.4 apg in 2006-07) and later transferred to Raleigh, N.C.-based Shaw, where he became CIAA Player of the Year in 2011-12. At least scholarly Andy Robinson (Buffalo) was willing to pay for his bogus schoolwork. Robinson was suspended three games after posting grammatically-challenged ad on Facebook in spring of 2008 offering $30-$40 for fellow student to author a course paper for him.

FATHER'S DAY PARENTING CLASS: Willie Anderson (Georgia), in the fall of 2003, reportedly lost almost all of the $1.75 million he was to receive from a deferred 10-year contract with the San Antonio Spurs to the IRS and three women who said he did not pay child support. The IRS, in a lawsuit, had sought almost $400,000 from what it said were unpaid taxes from a nightclub Anderson co-owned, Strictly Jazz, plus unpaid income taxes. During court hearings in 2000, it was revealed Anderson fathered at least nine children by seven women. Civil warrants were issued twice for his arrest in child-support matters in Georgia state court. The two-time All-SEC selection in late 1980s was jailed in November 1999 for contempt when he didn't show up for another hearing. But Anderson doesn't seem as if he'll medal in the Sperminator Games. Pending audit confirmation of paternity results, Anderson apparently still trails potent philanderers Jason Caffey (Alabama), Shawn Kemp (Kentucky signee), Calvin Murphy (Niagara) and Sedale Threatt Sr. (West Virginia Tech) for most baby mamas in hoops history. Tough guy Juwan Howard (Michigan) is honorable mention nominee.

GIVE ME CREDIT: Gilbert Arenas (Arizona) was suspended for most of the 2009-10 NBA season stemming from a felony gun possession in a locker room and subsequent actions appearing to make light of the episode. Pleaded no contest to misdemeanor weapon charges resulting from an incident in San Mateo County (Calif.) in 2003 after being an All-Pacific-10 Conference selection as a sophomore in 2000-01. Arrested in California in late June 2013 for possession of illegal fireworks in the back of his pickup truck, Arenas appeared to attempt igniting fireworks during 2023-24 season by calling for black players to "take out" and discredit white players ("Euros") for trying to take "their league." In the spring of 2014, Arenas took a cinder block and smashed a Mercedes his longtime flame had been driving, claiming the incident was revenge for her allegedly breaking numerous windows in his house and ruining his Netflix account by throwing his computer into the pool. In late January 2016, Arenas bragged on social media how he committed credit-card fraud at strip clubs. He probably should have served as a consultant to Warren Jones (Bradley/Green Bay) and Al Miller (UCF). Jones was the Braves' leading scorer midway through the 2014-15 campaign when arrested at a strip club on misdemeanor charges of obstruction of identification and criminal trespass in the wee hours of morning following a home defeat. Miller was charged with pointing a gun in theft of local night club disc jockey in middle of 2002-03 season before ditching in-home monitoring device and failing to arrive in circuit court for trial on armed-robbery charge. Instead of plastic, Arenas could have been like Anthony Jenkins (Clemson), who pleaded guilty to passing five counterfeit $100 bills at a Spartanburg, S.C., nightclub in the fall of 1991. The college cager counterfeiters also included transfers Dustin Thomas (Colorado/Arkansas) and Jacorey Williams (Arkansas/East Tennessee State), who both pleaded guilty to possessing "Monopoly" money in summer of 2015 they knew or should have known was not authentic.

I'M NOT ROLE MODEL: Charles Barkley (Auburn), a three-time All-SEC selection from 1981-82 through 1983-84, was arrested for breaking a man's nose during a fight at 2:30 A.M. just before Christmas in 1991 after a game at Milwaukee and also for throwing a bar patron through a plate-glass window in late October 1997 after being struck with a glass of ice while in Orlando for an exhibition game. In August 1997, a jury rejected a $550,000 lawsuit from a man who claimed Barkley beat him up at a Cleveland nightclub. Charges were dropped against Barkley and fellow NBA player Jayson Williams stemming from an accusation they were in a bar fight in Chicago in 1992. Compulsive gambler said in an ESPN interview in May 2006 that he lost approximately $10 million through gambling, including $2.5 million "in a six-hour period" while playing blackjack. The Wynn Las Vegas resort filed a civil complaint in May 2008 that Barkley failed to repay four $100,000 casino markers, or loans, received the previous October. He took a leave of absence from TNT Sports' broadcast booth in early 2009 after test results showed he was legally drunk (nearly twice the legal limit) on New Year's Eve when Phoenix police arrested him on suspicion of drunken driving. Barkley, who triggered a national debate with his "I am not a role model" proclamation, told police he was in a hurry to go have sex from a female passenger he had just picked up from a popular nightclub. We'll see if CNN's King Charles gabfest will have a segment centered around this topic. Barkley apparently was seeking much more activity than Emery Coleman II (New Mexico State) although the outcome for Coleman was significantly more dire as he was charged with homicide by vehicle in connection with an auto accident killing an 85-year-old man midway through the 2011-12 season. Coleman allegedly was using his cellphone to send a text message ("would you kiss me on the neck") at the time of accident. Another "entertainer" unworthy of being a role model was seven-footer Andy Slocum (Texas A&M), who was better known for his time in WWE under the ring name Jackson Andrews before TMZ revelations in late summer 2012 of having two fiancees at the same time. Another "player" was Corey Bailey (UNLV), who received a citation for misdemeanor battery in spring of 2008 after arranging "group therapy" meeting with three females to clear up matter as to whether he was "lying and cheating" on them.

MOVIN' FROM TIRE IRON TO STOLEN X-RATED VIDEOS: Marvin Barnes (Providence), a unanimous first-team All-American in 1973-74, was arrested for a variety of things - trespassing, being under the influence of narcotics, burglary of a locked vehicle. Homeless in San Diego, he stole X-rated videos to sell for drug money. The odd personality once refused to board a plane from Louisville to St. Louis because the flight was scheduled to arrive (Central Time) before its departure time (Eastern Time), with him renting a car instead saying, "I ain't getting in no damn time machine." Barnes, who also showed up late in his Rolls-Royce at a Spirits of St. Louis ABA home outing in a full-length mink coat with uniform on underneath bypassing locker room going straight to the court, claims his cocaine addiction escalated to the point where he snorted drugs on the Boston Celtics' bench during a game. Barnes said he hit rock bottom during one of his drug-related prison stints when he almost killed a fellow inmate. After a flight delay caused then Spirits' radio announcer Bob Costas to miss the start of a contest at Memphis, Barnes told him "don't worry about it bro" because he could be his chauffeur if fired ("I've been looking for a little white dude to drive me around."). Barnes attended the John Lucas Treatment Center in Houston and worked as a director at a halfway house before encountering liver problems. In mid-May 2007, he was arrested by state police on a felony charge of cocaine possession. In mid-January 2012, Barnes was 59 when arraigned in Rhode Island on a charge of soliciting a 17-year-old minor for sex after they met through his Rebound Foundation for at-risk youths. In 1972, he was charged with assault after hitting PC teammate Larry Ketvirtis with a tire iron following a scrimmage (fined $10,000 in federal court for damages). Barnes once asked Providence Journal columnist Bill Reynolds if cocaine kills brain cells before saying: "I must have been a genius when I started out." While incarcerated, Movin' Marvin was moved to tell Reynolds: "Here I am trying to get myself straightened out and they come out with a brand-new drug (crystal meth)." The intellect meter for PC players didn't appear to "move" much decades later when Donta Wade, Jamaal Camah and David Murray were barred from returning to school for their senior season in 2000-01 after allegedly attacking two other students (including bouncer who removed Murray from a local bar).

GOVERNMENT JOBS FOR BIG BLUE BEDFELLOWS: Horny Winston Bennett (Kentucky), an All-SEC second-team selection as a junior in 1985-86, said he "slept with 90 women a month." Only 10 weeks on the job in a state government position, he was fired in fall of 2017 after sending inappropriate emails (including to subordinates). Who conducted a background check on him and did they overlook his termination as a Boston Celtics aide under Rick Pitino by having a sexual relationship with a female student at Brandeis where the NBA team practiced? Previously, Richie Farmer (Kentucky), a shooting guard in the late 1980s and early 1990s, was sentenced to 27 months in prison after entering a guilty plea to government corruption in mid-September 2013 following the state attorney general's office and ethics commission charging him with 42 ethics violations. A scathing state audit about Farmer's eight years as state agriculture commissioner alleged he misused state workers and resources for personal gain. He was accused of placing his friends in jobs with no specified duties and asking them to carry out his personal errands plus build a basketball court on his property. Was Farmer wanting to make a hoops comeback and play in Seniors Tournament with his UK coach (Pitino)? Red-blooded Pitino protege Joshua Tinch's employment as high school special education instructor didn't last long, either. Known more for exploits as UK rival Louisville WR, he was terminated after a female student complained he had inappropriate contact with her when she was 16 shortly following his hiring in August 2011. There was no telling what kind of job Derek Willis (Kentucky) warranted upon being found at nearly 5 a.m. passed out drunk with his body and head extending well into middle of the street next to open driver's side door of car in mid-June 2016. As byproduct of defunding police on progressive wish list, left-wing riots in Portland causing more than $2 million in damage to federal buildings might have been averted if Terrence Jones (Kentucky) was hired as community consultant clearing the streets after he reportedly stomped on a homeless man's leg in late July 2013.

WHAT BAND-AID CAN TAKE FROM YOU: Derrick Chievous (Missouri), sporting trademark band-aid, was an All-American as a junior in 1986-87. He was charged with felony stealing in May, 2001, for allegedly taking items from the United Parcel Service terminal in Columbia, Mo., where he had worked for nine months after playing in the NBA and Europe. Chievous, who was under investigation for months regarding possible theft, allegedly fled from managers while carrying stolen items. In 1997, he was arrested for failure to pay child support. "I'm not the marrying type," said Chievous, who had daughters in his college town plus Philadelphia and Chicago. "I'm not always the greatest dad. But I'm the best dad they've got." Offspring should start tradition of sending him box of band-aids via UPS on Father's Day.

ROOTS OF REMOTE CONTROL: Ricky Clemons (Missouri), after reportedly attending six different high schools, was kicked off the Tigers' squad during the summer of 2003 following a judge determining the North Carolina native violated conditions for serving a sentence in a halfway house and ordered him to jail. The sentence stemmed from two misdemeanors in an assault case involving his former white girlfriend after she didn't want to watch Roots. In subsequent taped jail telephone conversations, Clemons alleged Mizzou assistant coaches gave money to him and other players. The J.C. recruit, who scored 26 points against Iowa and 27 against Syracuse, also crashed an ATV on the school president's lawn at a July 4 party. Believe it or not, the wife of the school's first black president suggested Clemons avoid dating white women. A mid-2001 charge he choked and struck another woman in Idaho was not prosecuted because the woman didn't respond to a request to testify. You've got to exhibit more control of your viewing habits. Wade Jenkins (Tulsa) pleaded no contest to charge of mutilating municipal property for allegedly breaking a door at convention center in spring of 1991 after attending a Toughman boxing contest.

DUMBER THAN DOORKNOB (AT HIS APARTMENT): Sheldon Cooley (East Tennessee State) and teammate Marcus Dubose were dropped from ETSU's roster following DTF charges (subsequently dismissed) in a mid-November 2012 drug investigation. Later, the school's postal services manager was terminated for violating federal law by opening the latest in a series of suspicious express mail packages. Another package earmarked for Dubose containing $10,700 cash was intercepted by drug agents in the days following their arrests. It was Cooley's second arrest that year. He had entered a guilty plea to solicitation to file a false police report, stemming from a robbery probe at his campus apartment, during which he lied to cops about what was taken. Cooley claimed $1,300 in cash was stolen from his room during a theft where a pair of teammates were bound and gagged at gunpoint. Tampa native told police the reason burglars were able to get into the apartment was he left his key/swipe-card in the mailbox. A comparably confusing breaking-and-entering explanation came from Gus Santos (Wichita State) in March 1987 when he was arrested while attempting to kick in a door to an empty hotel room. The Shockers' leading scorer in 1985-86 told local police he was only looking for a quiet place to sleep. As a freshman in late 1980, Steve Stipanovich (Missouri) was shot in the arm. At first, Stipanovich said a masked intruder (donning red-checked flannel shirt and cowboy boots) broke into his apartment, shouted obscenities against hoopers and shot him. Later, the eventual two-time All-American changed the story, admitting he accidentally shot himself with a .22-caliber weapon (facing WHO SHOT STIPO? WHO SHOT STUPO? signs in Big Eight Conference road games). Stipo's fellow All-American and teammate Ricky Frazier, a transfer from St. Louis prior to becoming Big Eight Player of the Year in 1982, was charged with two other men in warrants in spring of 1986 with stealing more than $150 in a shoplifting incident at a Walmart in Sikeston, Mo. Another player filing false police report was Anton Jenifer (VCU/Morgan State), who claimed he was shot during an attempted robbery while entering his apartment in spring of 2001. After noticing inconsistencies in his story, law enforcement obtained a search warrant for the dwelling and seized a 9mm semiautomatic handgun. Elsewhere, A.J. West (Nevada) was described as the neighbor from hell by renting out two Brooklyn apartments he leased and using them to throw raucous all-night parties and shoot music videos in studio setting. West reportedly wasn't paying his rent, leveraging pandemic exceptions to turn his apartments into money-makers. At least Cooley, Frazier, Jenifer, Santos, Stipanovich and West weren't as cruel as Donald Little (Cincinnati), who was charged with kidnapping, beating and burning his roommate in spring of 2002.

"DE" GOLD MEDAL FOR HEALTHY EXCUSE: Olympians DeMarcus Cousins (Kentucky), DeMar DeRozan (Southern California) and DeAndre Jordan (Texas A&M) were caught going to notorious high-end brothel near the Copacabana beach in Rio in August 2016 before Team USA source offered feeble explanation that "they thought it was a health spa." In "de" spring of 2016, DeShaun Thrower and Stony Brook teammate RayShaun McGrew were charged with third-degree grand larceny and criminal mischief after allegedly breaking the rental car window of a student who had $5,000 in cash in Toyota after cashing tax refund check.

RELIGIOUS CHICKEN LITTLE SKY IS FALLING: Chris Craig (Creighton signee/Texas-El Paso), a guard who averaged 8.6 ppg, 2.5 rpg and 2.7 apg for UTEP in 2002-03 and 2003-04, was arrested in Utah in early August 2013 on an outstanding warrant for drug possession one month after he was detained at a Walmart in Arizona following alleged threatening statements to people on a junior college campus. Former assistant coach at Northern Colorado, referring to himself as an "Islamic jihadist," was spotted wandering about and warning Catholics and Mormons they "would be destroyed" in the near future. Dealing with mental illness after coaching Eastern Utah to a third-place finish in 2010 NJCAA Tournament, he drove a car covered in spray-painted religious messages. In mid-September 2016, Craig was arrested after allegedly threatening to blow up an elementary school in Utah.

PILFERING PATIENTS' PAIN PILLS: Kevin Criswell (Montana), the Grizzlies' second-leading scorer four straight seasons from 2002-03 through 2005-06, faced two-count indictment in spring of 2014 charging physical therapist with conspiracy and acquiring hydrocodone and oxycodone by forgery, fraud or subterfuge. "Dr. Pill" was sentenced to four years of probation, six months in a residential drug treatment center and paying restitution of $6,400 to one patient suffering severe emotional trauma after pleading guilty to breaking into homes and stealing pain pills from multiple patients. In other Northwest court documents, Craig Ehlo (Washington State) admitted to past problems with substance abuse (prescription painkillers) in receiving a suspended one-year jail sentence following pleading guilty to setting fire to a pile of clothes outside his rural Spokane home. Ehlo was arrested in early August 2013 after firefighters responded around 1 a.m. and encountered family members holding him down near his burning clothes to prevent 14-year NBA player from jumping into the flames.

CUPID RUINS VALENTINE'S DAY: The cute little Valentine Day's cupid we know today can be traced back to a vengeful Roman god who was also a mama's boy. Cupid wasn't exactly the symbol of love and affection on the eve of the mid-February holiday in 2007 when Malik Cupid (Colgate) was charged with stealing $1,400 electronically from his former sweetheart while she was stationed in Iraq with the U.S. Army. Another hooper missing the mark with his arrow was Bryn Forbes (Cleveland State/Michigan State), who was arrested around 5:15 a.m. on Valentine's Day in 2023 after allegedly assaulting his ex-porn star fiancee. They reportedly were set up by Kylie Jenner's ex-best friend Jordyn Woods, who dated former Forbes NBA teammate Karl-Anthony Towns. The case against celebrity ambassador Forbes was dismissed after successfully applying for a pre-trial diversion program. It might not have occurred on Valentine's Day, but Jordan Preaster (Bethune-Cookman/North Florida) was arrested in summer of 2024 for allegedly stalking a female student, blocking the victim's car from leaving parking spot and leaving a teddy bear, rose, candy and two accessory trays by her auto. Previously, he was a Mr. Clean wannabe when accused of using physical violence by pouring dish detergent on hair of a victim.

PHOTO CONSENT RELEASE: Robbie Dean Dosty (Arizona) was sentenced to two years of probation after pleading guilty in summer of 2007 to theft by extortion stemming from his threat to send photographs of a man having sex with him to the man's employer. Drug charges were dropped in exchange for the guilty plea from Dosty, who averaged 10 ppg and 5 rpg from 1977-78 through 1980-81. Shopping additional photo news, a former Coppin State player filed a lawsuit against his assistant coach for allegedly posing as a female to manipulate him (online "catfishing") to sending nude photos and blackmailing him into filming a sexual encounter. The "black male" player claimed he caved into the demands because he was afraid of losing his scholarship. Unless embroiled in The Real Housewives of Potomac gossip, what did Coppin's former head coach know and when did ex-Maryland All-American guard Juan Dixon know it? In the summer of 2012, a salacious photo-extortion story unfolded when an ex-mistress stripper and co-conspirator were busted for a purported $200,000 plot against Mark Jackson (St. John's), who moonlighted as a minister at a LA suburb-based non-denominational church, for sending compromising nude pics during a 2006 affair. The NCAA assists average leader in 1985-86 and All-American in 1986-87 after participating in 1985 Final Four quoted the Bible, saying "what goes on in the dark, comes out in the light. He "shimmied off" while called a "Bible-pounding phony" by ESPN colleague Bob Ryan before the politically-correct network responded by suspending the venerable ex-Boston Globe columnist for a couple of weeks.

MAY HOLIDAY SEASON BE FILLED WITH POP-A-SHOT: Three Eastern Washington players - Robert Otis, Nate Perkins and John Randa - were arrested for petty larceny the week before Christmas 1985 on charges they stole 153 cans of soda pop from the Holiday Inn they stayed in prior to road game against Idaho State. The soda jerks were headed to court after accused of pilfering pop from a machine inadvertently left unlocked. "Life Tasted Good" for EWU on-court, however, as Otis scored 19 points and Randa scooped up a loose ball before he "popped" a decisive basket with three seconds remaining in 61-59 triumph. Another holiday season failed to unfold any better for walk-on Chris Armstrong (Niagara), who was charged with creating a ruckus in fall of 2009 (disorderly conduct and resisting arrest). Police officers said they saw a highly-intoxicated man in trench coat who appeared to be naked (actually wearing "vulgar" Halloween costume) struggling with bouncer trying to get him out of a bar.

NET DREAM: James Felton (St. John's/Florida State/Saint Peter's/Fairleigh Dickinson), when on a recruiting visit at Kentucky's Midnight Madness the weekend of 1996, fell asleep during a meeting with an academic counselor and coach Rick Pitino sent him home. Kicked off St. John's squad early in freshman season in 1997-98 for repeated violations (missing team flight to Puerto Rico for season-opening tournament, inviting friends to team practice at MSG only to see his "posse" pilfer everything not nailed down in the Knicks' locker room and sitting on the court because "I didn't feel much like practicing today"). Left FSU after money and things were missing from the Seminoles' locker room. Cleared up an arrest warrant against him for trying to sell stolen property at a pawn shop, but wore out his welcome at Saint Peter's before playing a game for the Peacocks. He failed to show up for a summer school final exam in 1999 after actually taking pokes while under the influence at SPC's coaching staff during an unsupervised workout. Suspended for portion of a season attending FDU before scoring 41 points in a game against LIU. Felton, known to binge drink and in alcohol rehab, was found dead in his Jersey City apartment in early November 2006 at the age of 27. Speaking of sobriety and stupidity, former All-American guard Charlie Bell (Michigan State) arrived inebriated at drunk-driving court in 2011.

SQUATTERS RIGHTS: Chris Gatling (Pittsburgh/Old Dominion), a three-time All-Sun Belt Conference first-team selection, was sentenced to four years of probation after pleading guilty to theft and forgery charges after accusation of squatting in a Phoenix area home and then trying to list the place for rent on Craigslist. He was charged with breaking into a key box and living in the home for nearly a year. Gatling contacted the owner in the summer of 2010 looking to rent the residence but never finalized a lease agreement because of poor credit. A police report claimed the homeowners lived in California but had left the power on. Gatling reportedly owed $40,000 in child support as of the spring of 2006. He was eventually sentenced to 2 1/2 years in prison following arrest in late May 2015 for allegedly running an online fraud scheme using credit cards of people from all across the country. Another player who apparently thought he should be able to hang around was Eli Holman (Indiana), who transferred after freshman season to Detroit following meeting requiring a call to campus police when he became agitated with new Hoosiers coaching staff. At least Holman didn't respond in same way as Roland Griffin (Illinois State/Iona), who was kicked off the Gaels' squad in fall of 2018 after punching an assistant coach multiple times in locker room following an argument about schoolwork.

SLUM OR DUMB LANDLORD?: Will Graves (North Carolina), a starting forward in 2009-10 was arrested on drug charges (involving marijuana) in early December 2013 at a house rented by Carolina's part-time video coordinator from Tar Heels coach Roy Williams. Graves was kicked off UNC's club in the fall of 2010 for violating team rules. At least Graves was linked to his coach instead of convicted felon Haydn "Fats" Thomas like several other prominent Tar Heel players. In similar "high" living arrangements, Kansas teammates Darrell Arthur and Mario Chalmers were kicked out of NBA rookie transition program in early September 2008 after getting caught with prostitutes in their hotel room where marijuana was smoked (both fined $20,000 and required to attend symposium again the following year). Exhibiting as much intellect as a Farrakhan-loving Jacob Blake Sr. tweet, the Self-less KU tandem refused to allow hotel management in after a smoke alarm went off at about 2 a.m.

TOY STORIES: In the fall of 1987, Artie Green (Marquette) was placed on probation for four years after pleading guilty to armed robbery and burglary charges (service station and apartment building where he lived). His lawyer said the weapon used was a toy gun and that Green turned to crime for money to spend on cocaine. Similarly, Harry Moore (St. Bonaventure) was arrested in 2001 for sticking up ATM patrons with a fake black revolver and three LSU players received summons in mid-June 2017 for allegedly shooting paintballs at pedestrians on campus. Another odd weapon was utilized by seven-footer Dwayne Schintzius (Florida), who wielded a tennis racquet at someone after hearing a rude remark while riding in a car outside a nightclub. Schintzius subsequently quit the Gators in mid-season in 1989-90 because he didn't want to "sail under the authority of Captain Ahab (interim coach Don DeVoe)." While Schintzius "skated" after displaying his power serve outside a club, Archie Goodwin (Kentucky) was arrested in a dispute outside a roller rink in Little Rock in spring of 2014. It was uncertain whether juvenile incident had anything to do with school nickname, but three Oregon freshmen - Josh Crittle, Michael Dunigan and Teondre Williams - performed community service at the Humane Society in fall of 2009 as part of their "fowl" punishment for shooting BBs at ducks and geese in a local park. The golden goose award for stupidity, however, went to Holt Dunlap (UC Santa Barbara) in the fall of 2012 when charged with trespassing and vandalism regarding an 80-pound concrete planter in the shape of a goose at a local residence. Elsewhere, night-owl Winthrop teammates Reggie Middleton and Gideon Gamble were arrested on misdemeanor disorderly conduct/fighting charges in late October 2011, requiring police officers to break up fight at a McDonald's with Tasers, stemming from a 2:45 a.m. "Not So Happy Meal" incident before a scheduled 6 a.m. practice.

CRIMINAL CLIMAX: Eddie Griffin (Seton Hall), an All-Big East Conference second-team selection as a freshman in 2000-01, was charged in November 2003 with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after a woman claiming to be his girlfriend accused him of punching her in the face and shooting a pistol at her car as she drove away. Earlier in the year, he had been arrested for possession of marijuana. He had been expelled before the end of his senior year in high school for fighting with a teammate over a card game and punched college teammate Ty Shine in the locker room after a mid-season defeat his lone campaign with the Pirates. Checked into Betty Ford Center in 2004 to get six weeks of treatment for alcohol abuse. Pleaded guilty to inattentive driving early in the 2005-06 season (drunk and watching pornography in DVD player mounted on dashboard when crashing his Cadillac Escalade while masturbating in parking lot of grocery store) before being suspended by the NBA for violating the anti-drug program in mid-January 2007. Died in Houston in mid-August, 2007, when his Nissan SUV collided with a Union Pacific freight train in a fiery crash. It took four days for authorities to identify his body from dental records. Heaven only knows what he was doing or viewing.

JERSEY WORE: Bob Hall (Louisiana State), averaging 4.7 ppg and 4.7 rpg, was dismissed from team in late February 1997 following second suspension and "apparel" snafu of season. He could not enter a game when Dale Brown, in final of 25 seasons as Tigers coach, tried to send him in but couldn't because the center was not wearing his jersey under warm-up jacket. Earlier in the campaign, Hall left a contest after he was found to have his jersey on backwards. Whether or not it was due to them failing to comprehend one leg or arm at a time, more than half of LSU's roster was suspended at some point during 1996-97. Hopefully, former coach Will Wade wouldn't have found it necessary to make "strong-ass" offer to Hall for his intellect to elevate roster GPA. Wade was preoccupied with three players receiving summons in mid-June 2017 for shooting paintballs at pedestrians on campus.

ALL-STAR PIMPS: Jason Henry (Arkansas) was sentenced to six years in prison after his conviction on prostitution charges. According to a police report, pimp known as "Allstar" was booked in late March 2015 on multiple sex crimes, including the possible rape of a 14-year-old girl. West Memphis product started twice as a freshman but was suspended three times by the Hogs during the 2008-09 campaign and dismissed from the program prior to sophomore season. Elsewhere on the streets, backup point guard Venoy Overton (Washington) didn't have a pimpin' nickname resembling Henry but his real first name made him sound like a cool cat en route to pleading guilty to second-degree promoting prostitution following an arrest in mid-June 2011. Was Overton trying to establish credentials to become Seattle's Street Czar? Periphery "players" also sought to get in on the action as North Texas' team manager received probation after pleading to two charges of promoting prostitution, asking an assault accuser in spring of 2017 to join an escort service they ran for "professional individuals."

VIDEO VOYEURISM: Jonathan Holton (Rhode Island/West Virginia), an Atlantic 10 Conference All-Rookie team member as URI's leading rebounder, was arrested in late March 2012 following complaints of voyeurism by two female students that he took video of two separate consensual sexual encounters with them and posted them on Facebook (eventually pleaded no contest to sex crime and was given probation). Just days after video vice, he was charged with possession of stolen goods (laptop computer) resulting from a search of his dorm room. Holton was already on probation stemming from a 2009 strong-arm robbery in his hometown of Miami. Elsewhere among semen-ly authentic student-athletes, three Minnesota players were suspended near the end of 2015-16 campaign following an explicit group sex-tape video surfaced on one of their Twitter accounts. At least the porn-star tryout wasn't conducted after closing time in an upscale Italian bistro like their then coach's father. Voyeuristic venues also impacted budding cinematographer Jalen McDaniels (San Diego State), who was sued for allegedly filming two different women performing sexual acts and distributing them with his phone in 2016 while in high school. Predators included Brandon Lampley (Ball State), who was sentenced to four years in prison after pleading guilty to felony sexual battery as teaching assistant. He engaged in sexual activity with a female student skipping class in a secured, usually locked, portion of high school's athletic training area in February 2014. Cell phones of the teen and Lampley determined they exchanged 769 text messages in a month. Investigators also found video on Lampley's cell phone of encounters with 10 consenting adults. Other Jeffrey Toobin wannabee hoopers apparently having difficulty keeping pet snake in their pants were Ryan Ayers (Notre Dame), who was charged with three counts of voyeurism after leaving the Fighting Irish program as assistant coach at start of 2020-21 school year; Aaron Hammond (Southern), a middle-school teacher in spring of 2008 when students told police he looked at pornography during class, and Terrence Phillips (Missouri), who was voted chair of the SEC Men's Basketball Leadership Council in fall of 2016 before Mizzou paid $400K in late 2022 to settle claims of botched sexual misconduct probe.

SKINNY-DIPPING DUFUS: Dommanic Ingerson (Michigan/San Francisco) was taken by Oakland police to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation in mid-February 2010 after allegedly stealing a woman's purse and attempting to elude cops by swimming across a 50-degree lake and emerging naked. Ingerson averaged 8.1 ppg for UM as a freshman in 2001-02 before averaging 6.2 ppg in three seasons with USF. Additional nudist colony/psychiatric ward possibilities were Mel Montgomery (Canisius), who disrobed twice while under custody in late January 1981, and Gavin Ludgood (Southern Illinois signee/Florida Atlantic/Northern Kentucky), who was arrested on several charges including public indecency in spring of 2006 after banging on a car and an apartment door while naked just before 8 a.m.

RETURN TO SCENE OF PURSE CRIME: John C. Johnson (Creighton), an All-Missouri Valley Conference second-team selection as a senior in 1978-79, was arrested in early December 2003 on suspicion of theft by unlawful taking and criminal possession of a financial transaction device at a Lincoln, Neb., racquet club. Johnson was arrested in spring of 1992 for breaking into cars supporting a drug habit in Omaha, Harrison County (Iowa) and downtown Lincoln, including the aforementioned racquet club. He was sentenced to one to three years in prison on the theft and forgery charges in Lincoln. In spring of 1993, Johnson was sentenced to one year of probation for breaking into cars at a national wildlife refuge in Iowa. He was a Boys and Girls Club staffer and juvenile probation officer for nine years until his arrests. Johnson was arrested again for purse snatching in mid-November 2011. In 1995, police apprehended him when reportedly in possession of 77 stolen wallets and purses. Omaha also was the hometown for repeat offender Benny "B.J." Valentine (Texas Tech/Eastern Washington), who violated probation sanctioning him the previous week by traveling to Texas and participating in a mid-November 2012 break-in resulting in death of an accomplice.

DANCING WITH THE STARS: Shaq Johnson (Auburn/Longwood), a part-time starter known for dunking prowess, was dismissed from the Tigers' squad in summer of 2013 after freshman season upon jailing in wee hours of morning following a charge of possession of marijuana. In fall of 2014, he was charged with a felony for malicious wounding after knocking teeth out of dance-off competitor. In fall of 2015, Johnson was charged with misdemeanor possession of marijuana before 10-game suspension by Longwood and agreeing to drug counseling in order to have charge reduced to entering property with intent to damage. It's unknown whether Johnson feels he should have patented his dance routine. A federal judge dismissed a lawsuit in spring of 2020 in which former Maryland players Jaylen Brantley and Jared Nickens accused makers of the "Fortnite" video game of misappropriating a celebratory dance move ("Running Man Challenge") the Terps' twosome popularized. Elsewhere, Josh Anderson (Western Kentucky) was suspended for an exhibition game following his arrest in fall of 2018 on a charge of disorderly conduct after police officers asked a crowd in a parking lot to disperse but citation indicated "Anderson stayed dancing and singing causing people to stand there and laugh at him."

FAMILY GUYS: Sidiki Johnson (Arizona/Providence), estranged half-brother of Texas' celebrated center Mohamed Bamba, received a four-year sentence for second-degree attempted robbery and third-degree robbery. Sidiki appeared in only three games for UA in 2011-12 before suspension for violating team rules and played in only 11 games with PC prior to leaving program for personal reasons. Another brother from dysfunctional Harlem family, Ibrahim Johnson (Montevallo AL), accused Bamba in a rambling, profanity-laced FaceBook poolside video in spring of 2017 of accepting cash and gifts from a financial advisor in Michigan. Snitch Ibrahim was himself in the throes of a series of charges in single month (hit-and-run, forgery, falsification, petty theft and possession of drugs). In mid-October 2020, juco recruit Ibrahim died from shotgun wounds to his chest at a Fort Worth apartment complex. Speaking of family connections, brothers Jeffrey and Marcus Jordan (UCF) got into trouble in Las Vegas at their famous father Michael Jordan's 2010 fantasy camp. After an apparent wild night of drinking, Marcus boasted on his Twitter account about a spending spree of more than $80,000. The siblings never were charged, but the hotel and casino faced a probe for allowing underage drinking. Did MJ's sons say the squandered money was just "crumbs" to them?

SAMURAI SWORD SCHOLAR: Avondre Jones (Southern California/Fresno State) was convicted in December 1998 of threatening a man with a Samurai sword in his apartment just hours after a FSU game in the NIT. Gangsta rapper wannabee also was convicted on a felony charge of having a gun while on probation (for gun possession) and a misdemeanor marijuana charge. Jones, sentenced to six months in jail, was acquitted on six charges, including theft, extortion and assault with a deadly weapon. While a sword wasn't utilized, Lafester Rhodes (Iowa State) reportedly slashed an ex-girlfriend's bed during a domestic dispute in her apartment. Johnny Orr told Rhodes' CBA coach that his All-Big Eight Conference second-team selection in 1987-88 "couldn't read past a sixth-grade level." Rhodes must have been unable to comprehend instructions on how to modify water level.

JIGGLE JOINT JACKPOT: Jason Keep (Oklahoma State/San Diego), after seven-footer and All-WCC selection was fired from his job at a Phoenix strip club, hatched a plot to rob the jiggle joint on New Year's Eve 2013 before plan to pilfer up to $500,000 he believed was stored in the business' safe unraveled because there were too many potential witnesses. But two accomplices went ahead and followed the club's manager to a local IHOP and, in brazen midday robbery, stole duffel bag filled with about $18,000 in cash, leading to the shooting of a police officer following vehicle pursuit. Keep was charged with conspiracy to commit armed robbery in connection with the case. USD's leading scorer and WCC's top rebounder in 2002-03 in his lone season with the Toreros after transferring from OSU, where he was a teammate of Doug Gottlieb ("credited" with checkered past at Notre Dame) following one season in junior college. Keep entered a plea of not guilty on drunken driving charge midway through the 2000-01 campaign.

WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE: Shawn Kemp (Kentucky signee) had a troubling pattern of drug use leading to multiple NBA suspensions coupled with a proclivity for fathering children out of wedlock. Ended his first season with the Portland "Jail Blazers" in spring of 2001 by checking into a drug rehab center for cocaine abuse. He was arrested in 2005 for possession of cocaine and marijuana and was again charged with possession of pot in 2006. Left UK as an academic non-qualifier in November 1988 after getting caught but not charged for selling stolen gold jewelry belonging to the coach's son. Elsewhere, Jesus Rodriguez (Virginia Tech) was arrested in spring of 1998 and pleaded guilty to nine counts of stealing property from students (including $2,000 necklace in teammate Shawn Browne's locker). At least Kemp and Rodriguez acquired the bling without an overnight package mailed to them popping open. By contrast, Richard Hurd (Baylor), foiled in an attempt to enrich himself, was sentenced to 18 months in federal prison after found guilty stemming from his arrest in mid-June 2012 in connection with an alleged $1 million extortion from Heisman Trophy-winning QB Robert Griffin III. Hurd, the ex-boyfriend of Griffin's fiancee, threatened to release damaging information on RG3. Another "jewel" was Karel Rosario (Florida International), a 6-10 Miami-Dade police detective in late 2015 when pleading guilty to dealing in stolen property. Rosario was sentenced to 366 days in prison for trying to sell luxury jewelry valued well over $100,000 stolen from a suspect's home. Leading scorer Adrian Banks (Arkansas State) was suspended for about a month in the 2007-08 campaign when arrested for firing a handgun within Jonesboro city limits in wee hours of the morning. Juco recruit told police he found the gun at a nightclub where a fight broke out. "I found the gun on the ground and didn't want anyone to get shot, so I shot the gun until it was empty," Banks said (with a straight face?) according to the police report.

KING OF APPEARING IN COURT: Four was a magic number for Bernard King (Tennessee), an All-American in 1976-77 despite brief suspension at start of season following four arrests in the fall for possession of marijuana and driving infractions. He subsequently was recognized as youngest NBA player (23) arrested four times. At least King didn't generate a scene similar to Clinton Smith (Ohio State/Cleveland State), who was on probation for passing bad checks in the spring of 2010 when fleeing a courthouse, pushing a sheriff's deputy down a flight of stairs (breaking officer's leg), after learning he was going to be arrested. King also didn't quite measure up to antics of Big East Conference MVP Derrick Coleman (Syracuse). NBA Crime Library, which tracks police blotters, claims Coleman's seven arrests while an active pro player is a record for the league. He must believe unlawful actions give him street cred while engaged with his alma mater in a legal tussle over trademarks in the summer of 2023.

FISHY AUCTION: Brad Lohaus (Iowa), an All-Big Ten Conference selection in 1986-87, received two years of probation in mid-January 2006 for not delivering fishing rods that he auctioned on eBay. He was charged with theft in 2004 after receiving more than $1,700 from auction bidders seeking rods and other unspecified merchandise. In regard to "multiplying" fishy acquisition, leading scorer Deon Tresvant (Cal State Northridge) was arrested with his coach's son and teammate who is offspring of pastor across street of theft in early 2009 for being involved with stealing more than $6,600 in merchandise on New Year's Day from a Best Buy where the coach's son worked. The pilfering was discovered when store officials discovered a discrepancy at cash register after the coach's son allegedly logged onto register using the password of an employee who was off that day. A similar scheme occurred during 1996-97 season when five Idaho State players were involved with clerk charging only for gum while they checked out holding hundreds of dollars of electronic equipment.

A HORSE IS A HORSE OF COURSE: Art Long (Cincinnati) was found not guilty of an infamous "Blazing Saddles" incident assaulting (punching four times) a police horse. Brought to UC after selling drugs to a decoy cop, the Bearcats' leader in rebounding and blocked shots in 1994-95 was involved in multiple domestic violence incidents. In mid-December 2015, the J.C. vagabond was sentenced to 81 months in prison for drugs and guns crimes. He probably should have been spending Long-er time playing "H-O-R-S-E" based on his "blazing" free-throw accuracy (55.6%) and three-point marksmanship (11.1%). Speaking of guns and "horses," massive Oliver Miller (Arkansas) was accused of assaulting his girlfriend's brother during cookout in spring of 2011. No word if relative triggered pistol-whipping altercation by taking grub off plate of textbook Beast of the Baseline.

MACK TRUCKS ALONG WITH FOOTBALL ACCOMPLICES: Sam Mack (Iowa State/Arizona State/Houston) was charged with unlawful use of a weapon in 1988. While at Iowa State (where he averaged 11.8 ppg and 6.1 rpg in 1988-89), he was acquitted of all charges after being arrested for kidnapping, armed robbery and terrorism following a theft at a Burger King. Mack and his football player accomplice, whom he claimed forced him at gunpoint to tag along, would not have been able to enjoy their combo meals for long. During the course of the robbery, Mack stood right beside an ISU poster with his picture on it albeit without clueless clown donning promotional crown. At least pic didn't have him eating a "Mack" Donald's. After transferring to Arizona State, he was accused of raping a student on campus and also stealing an American Express card, with yet another football player, to purchase $1,400 in gold jewelry. Moving on to Houston (where he averaged team-high 17.5 ppg in 1991-92), Mack was arrested and charged with criminal mischief. Also arrested in the summer of 2000 after police officers found crack cocaine and 20 bags of marijuana in his Range Rover following a high-speed chase in a Chicago suburb.

STALKING BIG BAD JOHN: Kevin Millen (Georgetown), a backup for the Hoyas in mid-1990s, was sentenced to two years' probation and ordered to return to his Memphis hometown and stay away from Washington after arrested twice in fall of 1998 stemming from accusations of stalking and making threatening phone calls to coach John Thompson Jr. Millen was charged with unlawful entry after being detained by campus security for allegedly trying to reach the office of the university president. In the wake of several dozen alleged menacing phone calls to the school's athletic office earlier in the year, he was apprehended the previous week and ordered to undergo a psychiatric evaluation. Court records indicated Millen was upset over job opportunities arranged by Thompson that didn't pan out. Millen had an unsuccessful primary run for Congress in 2010. What a shame! He could have provided Congressional entertainment much like Anthony Weiner (a/k/a Carlos Danger), married a Clinton confidant and had #SickWillie conduct the marriage ceremony between ex-President's flights on "Lolita Express." Speaking of stalking, Florida A&M coach Mike Gillespie Sr. (DePaul) was fired after arrest in spring of 2007 on a misdemeanor charge of stalking woman at her workplace. A police report said Gillespie, subject to GPS monitoring after guiding the Rattlers to their first 20-win campaign in 18 seasons, was investigated several times on stalking complaints in a two-year span.

BAD CELL SERVICE: Sam Miller (Dayton/College of Charleston) pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct after arrest for underage drinking in early August 2017. Becoming insubordinate in back of cruiser, he made matters worse by getting into a fight in jail. A bartender at Caddy's Taphouse said Miller responded to being cut off from additional beverages by knocking down all the glasses on bar table to the floor and shoving her. A security officer subdued the profane Miller before police arrived and apprehended him. That's when things got worse for him. After urinating on the floor in the corner of a jail cell and taking off his pants, Miller was caught on camera getting into a tussle with a fellow inmate who, understandably so, said he did not want to be in same holding cell where Miller relieved himself. Miller was kayoed by multiple punches before bloodied prisoner was escorted out of the cell. Speaking of odd circumstances for fisticuffs, Maine's miserable 2016-17 season took a darker turn late in the campaign when the Black Bears' leading scorer reportedly broke a teammate's jaw in a dispute over music played in the locker room. Team members tried to cover up the fight by saying the injury incurred from falling in the shower. Additional internal strife occurred in mid-January 2006 when Daevon Haskins (Louisiana Tech) was arrested for disorderly conduct at airport at 6 a.m. after altercation with at least one teammate and in spring of 2014 when Missouri's Zach Price (also attended Louisville and Winthrop) was arrested twice in one day for assaulting same roommate/teammate and a woman. Price wasn't right with his daily double.

ANOTHER REASON NOT TO DRINK AND DRIVE: Greg Monroe (Georgetown), an All-Big East Conference first-team selection in 2009-10, pleaded guilty to impaired driving in spring of 2014, urinating on himself during the booking process. Since he was a member of the Detroit Pistons at the time, he should be grateful the franchise nickname wasn't Pooptons. Not long before whizzing away by Monroe, freshman guard Stevie Clark (Oklahoma State) was dismissed from Pokes squad following arrest for "publicly urinating out of a vehicle window" at 12:45 a.m. Another OSU product incapable of controlling himself was JamesOn Curry, a North Carolina commitment charged with urinating in an alley outside of his hotel at 2:30 a.m. in mid-January 2008. Late in the 2009-10 campaign, starting swingman Corey Stokes (Villanova) was cited for public urination following a game (between two cars while surrounded by teammates). In late summer 2010, Joe Mazzulla and West Virginia teammate Dalton Pepper were cited for allegedly urinating in public. In late 2006, Trevon Charles (Quinnipiac) was suspended after urinating on a female student's leg in dormitory bathroom. Chicago product Darrell Williams (Oklahoma State) was arrested in February 2014 for public urination outside a friend's home. D.J. Cooper (Ohio University) joined the list of hoop piss-ants by receiving a two-year suspension from FIBA in 2018 following revelation he used his pregnant girlfriend's urine instead of his own to try and pass a drug test. All of these "Free Willy" mental midgets probably should hold tight, move to San Franfreakshow and become founding members of the Pea Party. Harsher treatment would be dispatching them to Greene County (MO), where corrections officers were charged with misdemeanor third-degree assault for standing on a jail roof in summer of 2001 and spraying pee on inmates as they played basketball.

OJ PAYBACK BEFORE NO-PAY BACK: Tyrone Nesby (UNLV), was arrested in late January, 2008, on a charge of contempt of court. In mid-June 2011, the Cairo, Ill., native was sentenced to five years' probation and ordered to pay nearly $1 million in restitution for unpaid child-support obligations. In April, 2001, he spent the night in jail after arrest in his locker room on a battery charge that was later dropped. While in junior college at Vincennes (Ind.) in 1995, the last of 14 children was accused of hitting a fellow student in the face in an argument over the O.J. Simpson verdict.

STIFF PENALTIES: Lamar Odom (UNLV/Rhode Island), an All-Atlantic 10 Conference first-team selection in 1998-99, was found unconscious at a Nevada brothel in mid-October 2015 before he was transported in critical condition to a hospital. Owner of the Love Ranch South said "it looks like he might have taken too much herbal Viagra." In 2013, he apparently was holed up at a L.A. hotel room where friends were involved in an intervention trying to get him help for an undisclosed drug abuse problem. In his memoir, Odom said he used a fake penis to cheat on a drug test for the 2004 Olympics. Odom, who faced drug accusations in 2001 when violating the NBA policy twice in an eight-month span, probably needed help in controlling bowel movement after admitting he took a dump in his "Celebrity Big Brother" bed. Also running afoul of the law multiple times for being unable to control himself was Kerry "Stephen" Thomas (Boise State), the first person in Idaho convicted of knowingly spreading the HIV-AIDS virus. In other words, Thomas was a poor man's Magic Johnson (Michigan State).

STRIP KARAOKE AT SATAN'S DISCO: Frank Peters (Oregon State), the third-leading rebounder and fourth-leading scorer for fourth-place team in 1963 NCAA playoffs, served 2 1/2 years in prison of a 10-year sentence following a 1989 conviction for statutory rape and drug offenses (busted for possession of 800 marijuana plants worth a reported $1 million). Affiliated for more than 20 years with a bar/dance hall in Southeast Portland, where he served everything from reindeer to rodent while presiding over events such as strip karaoke and lesbian dance party. He played a supporting role in a Netflix film The Battered Bastards of Baseball, which is purportedly about a minor-league baseball franchise that thrived in the 1970s during a time when it was the nation's only professional club not owned by MLB team. While managing the Mavericks, Peters was also the maestro of several of Portland's most notorious nightspots, including Satan's Disco. Booby bars have a tendency to spawn some weird situations. Jeff Moe (Iowa), the owner of an Indianapolis strip club, reportedly retaliated over opposition to the bar's liquor license by roughing up a councilman. Moe, a part-time starting guard for the Hawkeyes the last half of 1980s, said the councilman with same first name should not be able to criticize his character while facing child molestation charges himself. "I gave him my version of Ride the Wild Jeff Beast," Moe said, referring to the designation stemming from piggyback rides the councilor gave girls in his home, according to court documents. Players riding on the wild side included Travis Garrison (Maryland), who was required to register as a sex offender in summer of 2015 after found guilty of assaulting multiple women present at his wife's overnight birthday party.

POLICE ACADEMY WANNABE: Olden Polynice (Virginia), an All-ACC second-team selection in 1985-86, was charged during the summer of 2001 with hitting and spitting on a golfer after being accidentally struck by a golf ball in Salt Lake City. The previous fall, he was involved in two road-rage episodes that led to Bubba Smith wannabee pleading guilty (accused of impersonating police officer by flashing fake badge). In mid-October 1996, Polynice was arrested at his home in Sacramento on domestic assault charges after his live-in girlfriend complained he threw her against a wall. After facing honor-code violation of plagiarism in 1984, Duke's creative Crazies printed copies of a sheet with the title page "Hamlet: An Original Play by Olden Polynice" and handed them out before a contest at Cameron that the Haitian center chose not to attend. Another fake law enforcement representative was Robert Swain (Connecticut/College of Charleston), a Georgia native among four civilians dressed as Fulton County Sheriff's office employees arrested in alleged drug scandal orchestrated by a deputy and detention officers seeking cocaine deliveries outside of the jail in early June 2011. The raid came just over a week after an inmate was shot by another inmate. The Cosby Show at George Washington didn't feature a pretend doctor as Pitt transfer Attila Cosby, claiming "weak-mindedness," said he was a police officer and would kill a 46-year-old prostitute if she said anything about him assaulting her with a broomstick and stealing a $10 roll of quarters after picking woman up in his girlfriend's auto. Polynice, Swain and Cosby weren't nearly as "playful" as Ryan Knight (James Madison), who was booked into jail in early February 2010 for pelting responding police unmarked vehicle with snowballs after first targeting a city plow. At least Knight didn't throw money at cop like Todd Johnson (Northern Kentucky), who was suspended for a DUI charge in mid-December 2015 during which he reportedly offered a police officer cash to let him go.

AT LEAST TAKE SHOWER BEFORE POLICE LINEUP: Kenny Pratt (Iowa State), a two-time All-Big Eight Conference forward, was involved in a late December 1996 incident stemming from two-car accident at an intersection, triggering holding cell "don't you know who I am" videotape showing him yelling, swearing and spitting at police officer. The arrest, where his driver's license was suspended while manning a rental car he was unauthorized to drive, occurred just weeks after pleading guilty to disorderly conduct. Obviously, Floyd took the altercation very seriously by suspending Pratt for one game. In mid-February 1998, J.C. recruit from Chicago was still wearing his uniform following an IBA playoff game when arrested for contempt of court after a police chase. Officers commiserated with Pratt and his minor-league coach before the contest and they agreed to allow him to compete if he surrendered after the fray. Instead, Pratt chose to flee. Perhaps Pratt could have eluded police if he had left during game similar to what Willie Cutts (Arkansas) did as sophomore in 1981-82. Cutts was dismissed from Razorbacks program by coach Eddie Sutton for leaving the floor, throwing his jersey into garbage can on way to locker room, dressing and exiting arena in first half of a game against East Tennessee State after being quickly pulled from lineup for what Sutton deemed a poor shot. Cutts, a former McDonald's Game MVP, subsequently spent time in prison and halfway houses. The state also supplied in-game defector Steven Moore (UALR). He was dismissed from the Trojans' squad in mid-February 2009 for his actions during a contest against Western Kentucky, including walking off the court midway through first half. Another McDonald's All-American trying out for clown-college consideration was Jelan Kendrick (Mississippi), who ditched the Rebels' team during warm-ups against Alabama late in 2011-12 season before materializing mid-game in the student section to whisk his girlfriend away. That was not a good campaign for game decorum as Justin Coleman (Marshall/originally Louisville signee) went from starter to using a cell phone on the bench during second half of a game as if he was some new teenager at the movie theater enthralled with his first wireless device.

REGULAR CUSTOMERS: Lloyd Price (Xavier/Fairleigh Dickinson), the most highly-rated recruit in Xavier history at the time before transferring, was charged with FDU teammate Douglas Whittler in the armed robbery of a New Jersey convenience store in mid-November 2001. Price, who allegedly wore a hood around his face when he went into the store where he was a regular customer, was drunk as he showed the clerk a "starter's" pistol but dropped it and exposed his face when he went to pick gun up. Later, Price dropped out of Kentucky Wesleyan. Elsewhere involving all-conference first-team selections, Walmart employees suspected Rico Gathers (Baylor) of pilfering items during previous visits before the Bears' all-time leading rebounder was arrested in mid-June 2015 for allegedly stealing household goods from the store and Monty Mack (Massachusetts) was charged in fall of 2000 with shoplifting seven DVD movies from Kmart (stuffed in his sweat pants). In the spring of 2023, three Arkansas State players were arrested on shoplifting hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise from a Walmart. The following spring, one of the A-State trio (Julian Lual) was arrested for third-degree battery after punching a store clerk in the back of the head while stealing cigars.

ALVIN!!!!!: Alvin Robertson (Arkansas), an All-SWC first-team selection in 1983-84, was sentenced to a year in jail in August, 1997, after pleading no contest to four misdemeanor charges stemming from confrontations with his ex-girlfriend. He previously agreed to undergo therapy for spousal abuse. Robertson was sentenced to three years in prison in 2002 for a probation violation involving a rape accusation. In San Antonio in late February 2010, Robertson faced sexual assault of a child and sex trafficking charges alleging he was among seven people kidnapping a 14-year-old girl who was forced into prostitution and made to dance at a strip club (underage sex ring charges dismissed nearly six years later). In mid-June 2014, he was arrested on a charge of violating terms of a bond involving his GPS ankle monitor. Seven months later, Robertson was apprehended after being on the run for a week upon reportedly cutting off his GPS monitor. In late March 2015, court documents revealed he had accumulated 10 bond violations, including testing positive for methamphetamine.

MARSHALL PLAN SLAP IN FACE: Marshall Rogers (Kansas/Pan American), the nation's leading scorer in 1975-76 with Pan Am, was arrested in his hometown of St. Louis in late June 1987 and charged with assault and petty theft in connection with a shoplifting incident (bottle of Mennen Skin Bracer, stick deodorant, a pair of white sunglasses and three Baby Ruth candy bars worth a total of $13) at a downtown Walgreens drug store. Police said Rogers fought with two store managers, a security guard and three police officers before he was subdued after being struck in the head three times with a nightstick. Rogers, who was living with his mother and told arresting officers he had been out of work the previous three years, was confronted by store personnel and allegedly told them: "Here, you can have the Skin Bracer but that's all." After his diabetes worsened, he had both of his legs amputated below the knees before being checked into a nursing home in 2006. Rogers, who frequently clutched scrapbooks he kept of his playing exploits, died in mid-June 2011 at the age of 57 after refusing to undergo the kidney dialysis treatment doctors said he needed. What a drag for Walgreens that one of its stores in Miami was also robbed in mid-January 2017 by seven-footer Zach Brown (Connecticut commitment/St. John's signee), who reportedly was subsequently imprisoned for violating parole.

SIDNEY BEAMS IN STANDS: Renardo Sidney (Mississippi State), a Mississippi product, was ruled academically ineligible by the NCAA in 2009-10 amid requesting tax documents and income statements to verify his family's income while they lived in relatively posh arrangements in Southern California. Upon securing his eligibility, the summer circuit prima donna was suspended twice for off-the-court issues (including highly-publicized altercation with teammate in stands during tourney in Hawaii). "I was getting money," Sidney told NBC Sports. "I don't know how much. They were giving it to my mom." After ballooning to more than 300 pounds, he did not accompany the Bulldogs on a summer exhibition tour of Europe. "I was getting all kinds of gear and clothes and shoes and I was No. 1 (prep prospect) in the country," Sidney told Rob Dauster of NBC Sports after going undrafted by NBA. "The internet and TV kind of got to me and, as a young kid at that age, you just feel like you've made it already. I stopped working." Unafraid to tell you what was on his mind, the internet certainly got to Chris Early, who was dismissed from Chattanooga's club midway through the 2011-12 campaign after making six disparaging remarks about his coach over a five-day span on personal Twitter page. Perhaps the Mocs should have conducted an internet background check on him as he previously was dismissed for misconduct at Oklahoma.

LEFT TEAMMATE FOR DEAD: Jamar Smith (Illinois/Southern Indiana), a Big Ten Conference All-Freshman team selection in 2005-06, was charged in middle of sophomore season with drunk driving and leaving the scene of an accident (apparently believing unconscious Illini teammate Brian Carlwell died after Lexus struck tree in heavy snow rather than suffering severe concussion). Entered a plea of guilty to DUI with grievous bodily harm, resulting in leaving the scene charge dropped as part of a plea agreement. In fall of 2008, Smith was sentenced to 18 months of probation for violating a court order (continuing to get alcohol-abuse treatment and wearing ankle bracelet alerting authorities if he drank) after spotted outside a campus bar about 2:30 a.m. In the fall of 1999, accident protocol was exactly adhered to when Eldridge Recasner (Washington) was hospitalized with a fractured right shoulder and partially collapsed lung after SUV driven by NBA teammate Derrick Coleman (Syracuse) collided with a tractor trailer. Coleman, eventually acquitted of drunk driving charges but found guilty of "unsafe movement," didn't move in timely fashion to hospital for visit. Recasner was annoyed with him for failing to check in on whether he was OK for more than a week after the accident. Another Midwest player with last name of Smith who had difficulty uncovering the truth was Sammy Smith (Dayton). After a polygraph test did not support his story, Smith admitted fabricating tale about being abducted by a gunman in fall of 2002. Another tall tale came from Aaric Murray (La Salle/West Virginia/Texas Southern) in spring of 2020 when law enforcement searched him during investigation on another charge and found $6,415 in U.S. currency. Murray said he won money from gambling at a local establishment, but had no vouchers to prove claim and police report noted "none of the hotspots in town are open due to the (COVID) pandemic."

INDIAN FIGHTING COLUMBUS: Leon Smith (Fresno State commitment) was a Chicago product and ward of the state due to neglect from his parents. Committed to a psychiatric ward in Dallas for a month in late 1999 following a suicidal incident when the Mavericks' first-round draft choice out of high school threw a large rock through a house guest's SUV window and swallowed approximately 250 aspirin tablets before telling police officers, "I am an Indian fighting Columbus." After returning to Windy City, he was arrested twice within two days for threatening his ex-girlfriend and damaging her mother's automobile. Speaking of windows in 1999, charges were dropped after All-American Lee Nailon (TCU) was arrested for suspicion of drug possession and evading arrest (through back window of Comfort Inn motel room). Another potential window washer/salesman was Yuri Demetris (Pittsburgh), who was booted from the Panthers' team in mid-January 2005 following an altercation at his ex-girlfriend's apartment where he twice climbed through her window.

BEAT AROUND THE BUSH: Korey Spates (Purdue/Kent State), after beginning his college career with a six-day suspension, averaged 10.1 ppg in 15 games before off-the-court issues triggered his dismissal from Boilermakers in mid-January 2006. Cleveland native was supposed to transfer to Kent State, but his scholarship was rescinded reportedly after a conflict with the Golden Flashes' coach. In spring of 2017, the Palm Beach County state attorney's office chose not to press charges against him for lewd and lascivious behavior inside the children's department at a Macy's store at the Boynton Beach Mall. When store security approached him, he ran away and was found hiding behind bushes. Failing to capitalize on foliage was Doug Overton (La Salle), a three-time All-MAAC first-team selection from 1988-89 through 1990-91 who pleaded guilty to three counts of disorderly conduct. Overton was sentenced to one year of probation following arrest in late April 2017 after Lincoln PA coach exposed himself to both men and women on a public trail. Additional exhibitionists included Peter Coker Sr. (Dartmouth/North Carolina State), charged with "allegedly exposing himself to three girls (as he drove his BMW around a school in late summer of 1992)"; Teddy Grubbs (DePaul), who was charged with public indecency multiple times in the 1980s; J.P. Macura (Xavier), who dropped his pants in bar in spring of 2016 after allegedly providing police a fake ID, and Joshua Primo (Alabama), who was released in fall of 2022 by the San Antonio Spurs stemming from multiple alleged instances of exposing himself to women. The most brazen "ball-handler" might have been Stanley Pringle (Penn State), who was charged with public lewdness and disorderly conduct in spring of 2008 in connection to a reported library masturbation incident. According to the criminal complaint, Pringle asked a victim while sitting down on top of desk behind her if she wanted to purchase hand lotion the J.C. recruit was selling for the Nittany Lions' team. "This is how I chill ma'am," Pringle explained to a female officer, placing his lotion-smooth hand down front of his sweatpants. Another lively evening in non-fiction occurred in 2001 when Pepperdine's Glen McGowan was suspended for the fall semester after igniting late-night fracas with a teammate in school library.

STANDING HARD TO LIVE UP TO CHRISTIAN LAST NAME: On the same day La Salle announced transfer of Christian Standhardinger (Nebraska/Hawaii) in mid-January 2011, the Explorers later issued a statement saying he would not be "coming" after cited on suspicion of public indecency (criminal charges subsequently dismissed). Didn't seem like "Christian" thing to do, but the 6-8, 220-pounder bearing a resemblance to Wacko-Jacko Michael Jackson was found shirtless with his pants down while cramped in the passenger seat of a parked car at 3:40 a.m. (after hours inside a park). Filipino-German was accompanied by a female also reportedly shirtless. Get a room but stand hard, Christian! Perhaps Standhardinger, suspended at Nebraska for academic reasons after previously suspended 15 games stemming from NCAA amateurism rules violation, was eventually found studying anatomy at a nude beach in Hawaii. The two-time All-Big West Conference selection averaged 16.9 ppg and 8.1 rpg for the Rainbows in 2012-13 and 2013-14. Speaking of getting caught in compromising position on the Plains, Kansas assists leader Tyshawn Taylor and a KU woman's hooper were suspended for one game late in the 2010-11 season after reportedly getting frisky playing unauthorized one-on-one "Rocks-Off Jayhawk" causing hot-and-heavy "Phog" on windows inside Allen Fieldhouse. What exactly is going on in cornfield mazes of the Midlands? Roburt Sallie (Nebraska signee before attending Memphis) sued the Spanish Basketball Federation for slander, libel, intentional infliction of emotional distress and negligence. Sallie said he wasn't cut from his Spanish professional team for taking the penis enlargement pill ExtenZe, but was using a male sexual enhancement pill called Black Ant. As far as the portion of a report he wasn't showering with his team, Sallie said it was because he was uncomfortable with Spanish bathing culture socializing while naked. Ole! At least Sallie didn't test positive for pregnancy overseas like D.J. Cooper (Ohio University), who failed a FIBA drug test in 2018 and was hit with a two-year suspension for fraud after using his pregnant girlfriend's urine instead of his own. There was no indication Cooper took one of those nasty transgender photos showing that men can menstruate, too.

TRUE CLAIMS OF PRISON-MADE GRANOLA BARS: Seth Sundberg (Hawaii) was a mortgage executive, also going by name of Franco Metcalf, convicted in 2009 of tax fraud, mail fraud and false claims against the U.S. over a $5 million tax refund received after filing fraudulent return. Seven-footer served a five-year prison sentence before founding Prison Bars, a company featuring "criminally delicious" snack bars inspired while toiling in kitchen during his incarceration and creating nutritious handmade granola bars sold to other prisoners. He should have shipped some samples to Isaiah Fox (Arizona), who pleaded guilty to misdemeanor charge of shoplifting after stealing snack food from Student Union Center in fall of 2003.

NOT SO SWIFT NEEDING POOPER SCOOPER: Robert Swift (Southern California commitment), a part of the final wave of high school seniors jumping straight to the NBA in 2004, before the league introduced age-limit rules, was charged with unlawful possession of a short-barreled shotgun in mid-November 2014 after police raided the house where he was living. Swift, who had a grenade launcher among 26 firearms discovered on the property, told law enforcement that he was a heroin user but not a dealer. Swift's $1.35 million house outside Seattle was foreclosed on the previous year after leaving residence littered in feces, maggots in sink, more than 100 pizza boxes, more than 1,000 liquor bottles and bullet holes in walls, according to the family purchasing the filthy property. In early January 2015, he was arrested on armed robbery charges and eventually accepted a plea deal ($600 fine).

LUNCH LADY LEECHES: Donnell Thomas (Northern Illinois) was arrested in spring of 1990 for allegedly battering a school cafeteria worker. Perhaps the normal lunch lady wasn't there to give him extra yum-yums for being the Huskies' scoring and rebounding leader that season. Ditto Isaiah Rusher (New Mexico academic redshirt), who played only two games for Elizabeth City State NC in 2012-13 before leaving following an incident where the Houston native was accused of attacking a campus cafeteria worker (charge subsequently dropped). Dining dummies included Florida's Cody Larson and Erick Murphy as they plotted in back seat of police cruiser how to get out of a burglary arrest in spring of 2011 following a failed attempt to shake down an employee who was closing out a restaurant & bar. There must be something in the water in The Sunshine State as there were reports in fall of 2009 of a possible theft between former and current South Florida players plus Rokas Ulvydas (UCF), irked after a roommate failed to acknowledge him at a tailgating party in the fall of 2018, allegedly threatened roommate at their apartment and became violent. Another roommate rumble involved Gerald Riley (Georgetown), who was charged in spring of 2004 with hitting teammate Amadou Kilkinny-Diaw at their home in Northwestern Washington in a dispute over money. Elsewhere, Gerald Eaker, Ohio State's projected starting center in 1994-95, had his scholarship rescinded after shooting out the tire of a car owned by a teammate; Texas-Arlington's Titus Howard Sr. was arrested just before the 1991 Southland Conference Tournament after stabbing teammate Glover Cody in the juco recruit's shoulder and waist area outside the school's athletic dormitory, and Oregon State's Kendal Manuel was arrested on an assault charge in spring of 2017 stemming from a fight with his roommate.

FROM BOGUS BILLS TO RAP CRAP: Dustin Thomas (Colorado/Arkansas), a part-time starting forward, was cited on drug possession charge shortly before 2 a.m. weeks before dismissal from Razorbacks squad just prior to start of 2018 NCAA playoffs. It wasn't long before he supplied a rap about exit from the Hogs' roster. Thomas was suspended from competition in the preseason and for first three games of season for an unspecified rules violation. After transferring from CU, he was arrested with a couple of new teammates on first-degree forgery charges in mid-July 2015 in the aftermath of a string of alleged transactions passing counterfeit cash at multiple businesses.

100-HOUR WORK WEEKS ALL YEAR: Vandale Thomas (Mississippi State/Southern LA), SWAC Newcomer of the Year and all-league second-team selection in 1995-96, was charged in a 12-count indictment alleging corruption during his tenure with New Orleans' Traffic Court, claiming he embezzled and over-billed the municipality more than $680,000 between 2009 and 2011. Money-laundering counts alleged Thomas bought thousands of dollars' worth of casino chips and made a down payment on an $80,000 Bentley GT Coupe. The politically-connected accountant, receiving three-year prison sentence for bilking court, submitted inordinate city invoices that were reviewed by the city's Inspector General for mismanagement ($1.3 million in less than three years). Even deducting the hours Thomas said he subcontracted, in 2010 alone he reportedly billed public entities at an outrageous pace of about 100-hour work weeks the entire year. This workload straining credulity would have required him to labor super-human 16-hour days, six days a week during the entire year. Many of the payments were authorized by a judge who was the traffic court's chief administrator. Thomas, who was political campaign treasurer for the judge and played on his softball team, said he never over-billed and that he gave no kickbacks. Meanwhile, court employees said they had never seen the accounting contractor, who is not a certified public accountant, with any staff or assistants.

POLITICAL PARASITE: Curry Todd (Memphis State), who played for the Tigers in the late 1960s, was a member of the Tennessee House of Representatives in 2010 when he compared pregnant illegal immigrants to reproducing rats. In fall of 2011, Republican resigned from his chairmanship of the State and Local Government Committee following arrest for DUI. In 2016, he was arrested for stealing campaign signs supporting his opponent, who responded by posting his bond.

CUSTOM JEWELRY: Whithworth "Junior" Treasure (Houston commitment/Texas Southern), a J.C. recruit dismissed from the Tigers' team before senior season despite averaging 14.6 ppg and team-high 2.9 apg in 2009-10, reportedly ransacked his SWAC coach's Houston residence along with TSU women's hooper in mid-February 2012. They were charged with stealing more than $530,000 of expensive jewelry and other items. Coach Tony Harvey said he alerted some local jewelers who make custom pieces such as the bling stolen from him. One of them called him back to say a couple seen on security video tried to sell him four pieces valued at $94,000 for $3,600. The difference between a HBCU and blue-blood program dealing in jewelry is reflected by starting forward Lance Thomas (Duke), who made a $30,000 down payment for five pieces he purchased for $97,800 similar to normal college student midway through the Blue Devils' NCAA championship campaign in 2009-10. Elsewhere, Tim Beckwith and Carlton Wade disrespected Marist's staff when arrested in spring of 1986 after purchasing several hundred dollars in merchandise at a mall with credit card they stole from an assistant coach.

NEVER GET IN CAR, GOLF CART, TAXI, BUS OR AMBULANCE WITH STRANGER LET ALONE DUMB DAD: Jeremy Vague (Pepperdine/Utah State), a starting seven-foot center for 2002 Big West Conference regular-season champion, was sentenced to a year in jail and three years probation in late 2016 after admitting he exposed himself to one female passenger and groping another while on the job as an Uber ride-share driver. Vague pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor charge of vehicle burglary in Utah stemming from a July 2002 incident involving the theft of golf clubs. Another misguided Uber driver was Addison Spruill (UNC Wilmington), who was cited for speeding and simple possession of marijuana upon being pulled over. You also might not want to get in vehicle with Felton Spencer (Louisville) if you want to get anywhere. Spencer was arrested around 2:30 a.m. in early January 2019 while asleep in Ford Expedition at a gas station and charged with DUI. Ditto Bernard Randolph (DePaul), who was arrested multiple times first third of 1988 (including stealing taxicab in Rockford, Ill., while driver got out at fast-food restaurant and left vehicle idling). Elsewhere, Dwayne Morgan (UNLV) was arrested at about 6:40 a.m. and faced disorderly conduct charge in spring of 2017 after trying to get into a police car, "thinking he could use it to drive home." It's difficult to comprehend what Tony Byers (Wake Forest) was thinking, if at all, as a 63-year-old bus driver in 2015 when the two-time All-ACC second-team selection was accused of having sex with a mentally handicapped woman although Byers' attorney said his client wasn't aware of the accuser's disability (IQ in 40s). Tanner Shell, who averaged 7 ppg and 2.8 rpg as an Arizona State freshman in 1999-00, was arrested in late July 2018 on suspicion of stealing an ambulance from a hospital and leading Mesa, Ariz., police on a brief pursuit. Shell, released from the facility for a heat-related issue, told officers he used the vehicle, running in a bay while crew dropped off another patient, because temperatures were too scorching to walk home (116 degrees). Shell told police he wanted to purchase a sandwich but needed to go home and get some money first. In regard to dunce drivers, Jason Richardson (Michigan State), fresh off a DUI arrest, was pulled over for going 90 mph in a 35-mph zone with his three-year-old son in the vehicle (although not in car seat).

TACO 'BOUT STUPID: Erving Walker (Florida), the Gators' all-time leader in assists when finishing his career in 2011-12, was arrested in spring of 2012 at 1 a.m. in connection to a $3 taco heist from a street vendor. Walker was ordered to pay $301 as punishment after pleading no contest to misdemeanor petit theft charges (resisting arrest charge was dropped). No word on whether the expensive taco was beef, chicken or fish. For the record, Walker led UF in steals as a sophomore and junior. There are additional hoopers who deserve you're-a-real-bozo slaps in the face. In another "Run for the Border," Mackenzie Mgbako (Duke commitment/Indiana) was booked on criminal trespass and resisting law enforcement charges after 2:15 a.m. incident in fall of 2023 at a Taco Bell refusing service to bell(igerent) freshman in drive-thru due to New Jersey product's cursing and rudeness. In another equally stupid infraction, walk-on guard Andrew Zehnder (Colorado) was arrested in early February 2009 on suspicion of breaking into plastic bins filled with CU merchandise (replica jerseys, T-shirts and stuffed animals) at the Coors Events Center. The petty crimes don't begin to stop there. Two-time All-American Tom Burleson (North Carolina State) was greeted with chorus of "Pinball Wizard" from Duke's pep band the first half of 1970s after admitting to taking $117 in change from three pinball machines in dormitory lobby; Domonic Tilford (Cincinnati/South Alabama) led Alabama police on a high-speed chase in early November 2014 after a pair of early-morning burglaries at cell-phone stores; James "Tyler" Ptacek (Evansville) was arrested by police who followed a trail of blood to his dorm room in spring of 2014 after injuring himself during break-in trying to take snack food at concessions stand; Holt Dunlap (UC Santa Barbara) was charged with trespassing and vandalism in late September 2012 (plants strewn around property amid 80-pound concrete planter in shape of goose removed from its spot in yard); Talen Horton-Tucker (Iowa State) pleaded guilty to a charge of misdemeanor theft of about $16 worth of goods at Walmart in middle of 2018-19 campaign; Pape Sow (Cal State Fullerton) was suspended 11 games after he was caught stealing a $17 knit cap from the student bookstore, and Kendal "Tiny" Pinder plus a North Carolina State teammate were caught switching price tags on underwear in late 1970s (naturally, Duke's Crazies mockingly showered them with undies). By the way, Burleson was benched for the controversial 1972 Olympic gold-medal game after violating U.S. coach Hank Iba's rules by getting caught with his fiancee on the balcony of his dorm room.

WEED EATERS: Samaki Walker (Louisville), the Cardinals' leading rebounder in 1994-95 and 1995-96, was booked in Kingman, Ariz., in late July 2011 on drug charges. Officials said about 10 grams of marijuana Walker tried to eat (tampering with physical evidence) was seized from his Mercedes-Benz along with some prescription drugs and eight bottles of liquid steroids. Police said Walker indicated that he used the steroids to enhance his athletic ability as he still played professionally overseas. Charges were dropped, but other weed eaters were Cinmeon Bowers (Florida State signee/Auburn), the nation's #1 juco prospect when suspended from team at Chipola (Fla.) in middle of 2013-14 campaign after he and teammate Torian Graham (Buffalo/Arizona State) were arrested for allegedly tampering with evidence by consuming marijuana during a traffic stop in an attempt to conceal the drugs from police. Obviously, Terrance Joyner (Arkansas commitment/New Mexico State) didn't practice prompt weed consumption in middle of 2008-09 season when he was arrested after authorities discovered marijuana inside his luggage as NMSU departed on a road trip. At least Bowers, Graham, Joyner and Walker weren't branded like Marques Dawson (Middle Tennessee State), who was charged with trafficking in cocaine and marijuana in late 2012 after hospitalized with burns to his leg and groin thought to be caused by a hot iron following a home invasion.

CHANGE OF CLOTHES: Chris Washburn (North Carolina State), an All-ACC second-team selection as a sophomore in 1985-86 under coach Jim Valvano, spent two years behind bars in the early 1990s, the second coming after a parole violation. "I was staying in the same clothes for weeks, maybe months at a time to a point where the (drug dealers) I was buying my stuff from would even pay me to go and change clothes," said Washburn, who was shepherded into more than a dozen rehab centers, none of which seemed to help. Hygienic Washburn said his "dad's last visions of him were of a dope fiend sliding along the floor stealing money from his wallet." He averaged only 3.1 ppg in two NBA seasons and was named one of the biggest 25 flops by ESPN in the first 25 years of the cable network. Washburn, who somehow secured entrance to college with an anemic 470 SAT score, was convicted of stealing an $800 stereo on-campus. He apparently should have swiped a TV stuck on the Grooming Channel to at least learn the merits of first syllable of his last name.

GUILE HIGH CLUB: Erwin Washington (Air Force), a four-year starting guard who averaged 8.5 ppg, 3.3 rpg and 2.3 apg from 1979-80 through 1982-83, pleaded guilty to being (three times) above the alcohol limit for flying a plane after United Airlines pilot was arrested and failed a breathalyzer test in November 2009 shortly before flight was due to take off from London for Chicago. He allegedly barricaded himself in the cockpit for more than an hour before Scotland Yard talked him out. Bet you Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson could have extracted Washington from his hideout in less than a half hour. In regard to odd places for an arrest, Adrian Hayes (Northern Arizona) was apprehended while attending his criminal justice class in connection to an assault of former NAU football player in front of a downtown bar in the summer of 2003.

ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH: Gordon Watt (Boston College/Purdue/Houston Baptist) was dismissed from Purdue's program in fall of 2007 before his junior season after second alcohol-related arrest in less than a year. A court upheld the seizure of $63,800 in cash from Watt subsequently ruled a forfeiture after deputies in western Iowa stopped his speeding rental car in 2013. The money was packaged in bundles and discovered with items investigators said was pointed to drug dealing (including a baggie of marijuana, digital scale and stolen/loaded Beretta handgun). Watt was believed to be driving to Colorado to purchase marijuana to resell in home state of Illinois despite claiming he was headed West to practice in the high altitude and didn't trust banks. Also flying high was Dion Waters (Syracuse), who was suspended without pay for 10 games early in 2019-20 NBA season for conduct detrimental to the team (Miami Heat) after an incident on a charter flight. Waiters reportedly experienced a "panic attack" following consumption of THC-infused edible ("gummies"). In 2013, a summer pool party with Waiters listed as host raged so wildly, with accusations of unapproved drinking, drug use and over-crowding at a public facility, that police were called and the Philly suburban community reviewed its rental policies.

THREE-WHEELING ARSENAL: Delonte West (Temple), an All-American guard in 2003-04, was suspended for the first 10 games of the 2010-11 NBA season after pleading guilty to weapons charges in Maryland. Authorities said he was carrying two loaded handguns, a loaded shotgun and an 8 1/2-inch Bowie knife while speeding on a three-wheel motorcycle (complete with sidecar) on the Capital Beltway the previous September. Battling bipolar disorder, he received home detention, probation and community service. His wife filed a domestic violence against him in the fall of 2009 and he was spotted loitering around a Houston fast-food restaurant parking lot in hospital robe and without his shoes in mid-February 2016. About three years later, multiple videos of West rambling incoherently and apparently homeless in Washington, D.C., surfaced on social media.

SHOVE WHERE SUN DOESN'T SHINE: Robert Whaley (Missouri signee/Cincinnati/Walsh OH), a prize prep prospect from Benton Harbor, Mich., was charged with third- and fourth-degree sexual misconduct in the alleged rape of a 13-year-old friend of his sister on Thanksgiving morning 2000, but his trial in June 2001 ended with a hung jury. He had numerous brushes with the law, dating back to 1994, when he was charged with unlawful use of an automobile. He pleaded guilty and received probation. The following year, he was charged with breaking into a house. He pleaded guilty to home invasion and was kept on probation. The week after the alleged rape, Whaley checked himself into a detox program and hospital records showed he suffered from chemical dependency and depression. In junior college (Barton County KS), he was charged with two felony counts of aggravated battery stemming from a post-dance fight. In 2008, Whaley was placed on probation for a drug charge in his home state of Michigan. Member of the Bearcats' 2004 NCAA playoff team was arrested in March 2010 in the Salt Lake City area about 4:30 a.m. and police found marijuana "between his buttocks," according to a jail document. Since Michigan listed Whaley as a parole violator (for maintaining drug house), Utah extradited him and he began serving a two-year sentence. In the spring of 2015, Whaley was arrested for burglarizing a Marriott Hotel and ordered to serve 60 days in jail. It was also all about "inside" post position for Jon Kreft (Florida State), who spent time in jail following arrest in 2006 on drug charges (hid bag with cocaine in crevice of his lower cheeks). The anal activity didn't dissuade FSU from realigning with seven-footer in 2010 following a juco stint. A disposal dump also wasn't worth a spit for Demetrius Drew of Bruce Pearl-coached Southern Indiana. The former Central Missouri State player was arrested in early September 1999 on felony charges of marijuana possession (85 grams) at an on-campus apartment. Drew locked himself inside a bedroom and then bathroom, but police eventually found a clogged, overflowing toilet filled with weed.

ORANGE YOU MAD AT MASCOT?: DeShaun Williams (Syracuse/Iona), a third-team All-Big East Conference selection as junior in 2001-02, was kicked off Cuse's club because of scholastic problems (also convicted of DWI and cleared of allegedly striking a female student/team mascot Otto the Orange in bar in 2002). "Being a student at Syracuse, I loved every bit of it, and I would not take anything back if I could change it," Williams told OrangeFizz.com. "I just had fun. I did things that dudes do: women. I didn't have a favorite. I just took advantage of everything that came to me." Dismissed from Iona for academic deficiencies late in senior campaign in 2003-04. There was also a similar report involving Henry "Hank" McDaniel (Maine), a Chicago product who allegedly assaulted the school's athletic mascot (Bananas the Bear) in 1995 (charge subsequently dismissed by district court judge). Equally disconcerting was Chris Moss (West Virginia), who left the Mountaineers' squad midway through the 2000-01 season after spitting on a Notre Dame female cheerleader.

DOG DAYS OF SUMMER: Kaylon Williams (Milwaukee), the Horizon League's assists leader in 2011-12, was arrested in mid-August 2011 in his hometown of Cedar Rapids on suspicion of drunken driving (nearly three times legal limit in Iowa) after Evansville transfer fled a traffic stop and later taken down by a K-9 unit. The stupidity of it all spills over to hanger's-on as a student worker for Texas A&M faced theft and fraud charges in mid-2012 after accusations of stealing personal information from members of the 12th Man Student Foundation and credit cards of two members of coaching staff to buy food and pay for boarding for his dog. In late summer/early fall 2005, Dedrick Finn (Xavier) was accused of kidnapping his ex-girlfriend's pug dog.

ILLEGAL ALIEN DEADBEAT DAD: Kenny Williams (North Carolina commitment/Barton County Community College KS/Elizabeth City State NC), one of the nation's top five high school recruits in 1988, was sentenced in mid-August 2013 to nine months in prison and ordered to pay more than $661,000 in restitution for failing to pay child support after being a fugitive for more than a decade. He was deported from Israel as an illegal alien. The U.S. Attorney's office said Williams earned a salary playing for the NBA's Indiana Pacers, playing professionally overseas and drove luxury cars while his former wife and three children in U.S. were on welfare. In August 2000, deadbeat dad pleaded guilty to willful failure to pay child support.

CAN'T WE JUST GET ALONG (WITH ANYONE)?: Loren Woods (Wake Forest/Arizona), the nation's third-leading shot blocker in 1999-00, was arrested in spring of 2012 for DUI in Tampa before allegedly attempting to bribe an officer with $2,200 cash. Woods reportedly refused to perform a field sobriety test, saying such exams were biased against black people and that he would only do it if administered by a black officer. Received a six-game suspension as UA senior in 2000-01 for accepting illegal benefits (loan of unspecified amount from his former H.S. coach in St. Louis). Ejected from a Pacific-10 Conference game while restrained from attacking a referee and benched for another contest after ordered to leave practice the previous day. In 1997-98 at Wake, he took a leave of absence from the Demon Deacons for seven outings. He was suspended by the NBA's Minnesota Timberwolves midway through 2002-03 campaign for conduct detrimental to the team. But at least Woods didn't trip a referee like Jarmal Reid (Oregon State), who was ejected from a game at Utah in mid-January 2016 with less than three minutes remaining while annoyed about a no-call by the official; face a federal civil rights lawsuit in 2010 like Marlon Dorsey (Mississippi State/Oklahoma State) over high school coach whipping players with a weightlifting belt although corporal punishment had been banned in the district for nearly 20 years, or have a spring break trip go south like De'Sean Allen-Eikens (Cal State Northridge), who was inebriated in 2023 when punching a Fort Lauderdale police officer.

AUTO KNOW BETTER THAN THAT: Bob "Zeke" Zawoluk (St. John's), an All-American in 1950-51 and 1951-52, had a turbulent life including vast emotional instability, an arson rap, crack addiction, grand larceny conviction and prison. After getting fired by one of a series of auto dealers he worked for, he got even in an alcohol-fueled rage in Queens and Nassau County in 1986, dousing two luxury cars with gasoline, torching them, then ramming into 17 other cars, before being apprehended after a high-speed chase. Following another transgression, he was paroled on Christmas Eve, 1993, after serving nearly two years at Clinton Correctional Facility on robbery and grand larceny charges. A subsequent positive drug test violated his parole and sent him to Rikers Island in the mid-1990s. Speaking of using auto as battering ram, Frank Tolbert (Auburn) was arrested in fall of 2007 after one of the Tigers' top three scorers from 2005-06 through 2007-08 allegedly drove through impound lot fence at 3:15 a.m. to retrieve his SUV. An auto lot also wasn't safe from Jahlil Nails (Central Connecticut State), who was arrested in summer of 2018 for allegedly attempting to steal a vehicle from Ford dealership. Another dummy in dire need of driver's education was Zay Jackson (Austin Peay), who pleaded guilty to charges of wanton endangerment following surveillance footage of disturbing incident in a Walmart parking lot (plowing car straight into a couple's vehicle before driving several hundred feet and speeding up with male individual clinging to his hood prior to braking to send person sprawling to asphalt).