Barry's Playground: Are NBA Trade Analyst Duties Next for POTUS at ESPN?

By any measure, the failures at the highest levels aren't restricted to Belgian officials. At least pretentious POTUS, after skipping funerals of Supreme Court justice and former First Lady, squeezed in vital task sharing NCAA playoff probability at Club Obama (a/k/a White House) prior to heading to Cuba and Argentina to work on his musical appreciation and tango groove moves. It seems as if ESPN should stand for Extra Sensitive Pious Network when going politico at the West Wing conducting tournament bracket selections. Granted, President Obama, a JV baller while attending Occidental (Calif.), demonstrates a sincere interest in the sport and his brother-in-law, Craig Robinson, works as an ESPN analyst after flopping as coach at Oregon State.

However, the Worldwide Leader should have labeled the puff-piece segment "Audacity of Hype" (not remotely Audacity of Hoop) unless the network gave equal time to perhaps a past or present Republican Senator. After all, Scott Brown (Tufts) and Jim Thune (Biola) were varsity hoopsters and might offer more firsthand knowledge while being among the striking number of politicians and political appointees who played the game. What's next if former Pitt hooper Mike Ditka can't speak his mind at ESPN without facing an NFL demotion?

Will Obama, spending more time doing the wave at a Cuban baseball game than speaking about the Islamic brutality in Brussels, become an NBA trade analyst after exhibiting such expertise in swapping five terrorist leaders for an American deserter? More adept at limp-wrested "wave" than hurling a Sandy Koufax fastball, the lame lefty would have embarrassed men all across the U.S. again by feebly throwing a ceremonial first pitch resembling his mom-jeans performance at a MLB All-Star Game. Will ES-PC-N allow Ditka to make any appeasement commentary if detached Prez thoughtfully responds to latest European terrorism by dispatching Lurch (a/k/a John Kerry) overseas for another James Taylor sing-a-long? After all, Barry deemed four more years (prepping exit for fundraiser in Vegas) more vital to him that spending "13 seconds" planning exit for four eventual dead Americans in Benghazi. Sans any explanation of crisis strategy, we're left wondering what game(s) body-man/former Duke hooper Reggie Love participated in with POTUS.

After securing credentials to where carrying Sick Willie's bags aren't an option, Obama will be qualified for his first real job in private sector overseeing ESPN hoop research if he knows former Marist/Oakland player Sebastien Bellin was among the injured in Brussels and actor Ted Cassidy - the tall fella as authentic Lurch in The Addams Family comedy TV series - was Stetson's leading scorer and rebounder in 1954-55. Upon promotion to position as Hoop Czar, he could "dreamily" and "fatherly" have ESPN colleagues recite opening line of Arabic call to prayer unless someone might be a Bible clinger. In the meantime, the vacation junkie First Family needs to hurry back to West Wing in one of two Air Force Ones on trip and conduct a couple more JV meetings with RevAl to help "Not So" Sharpton with his tax "bracket" before filing deadline in mid-April.