Miami Vice: Coach Larranaga Helping 'Canes Clean Up Big Mess

Who with a functioning brain was stunned by what occurred at "The U" linking its athletic program to a rogue booster? What does "The U" stand for anyway regarding Miami (FL)? Here are some of the most likely candidates: The Ugliest. The Unaccountable. The Unbalanced. The Unbearable. The Uncivilized. The Unconscionable. The Unpleasant. The Unpropitious. The Unqualified. The Unruly. The Unscrupulous. The Unseemly. The Untoward. The Unwholesome. The Urinal.

Amid the disgusting details, there was a pathetic "bowling-for-dollars" photograph of Miami President Donna Shalala accepting a $50,000 check donated by the Ponzi schemer at a bowling alley venue fund-raising event for basketball facilities. Shalala's public pronouncements stemming from the scandal resembled her feeble "hear-no-evil, see-no-evil" machinations as a dignified political hack who believed Sick Willie's "meaning of is-is" lies while serving as Secretary of Health and Human Services in the Clinton Administration. In both instances, Not-So-Primo Donna did virtually nothing to serve the health of humanity by halting or even slowing down descents into decay.

New Hurricanes coach Jim Larranaga, swinging a big broom taking care of the basketball portion of Miami's mess, hitched his clean-up wagon to Man Mountain Reggie Johnson until it came unhinged momentarily when Johnson was declared ineligible for one game because his family might have received impermissible benefits. No Johnson would mean "no NCAA tourney" for the 'Canes.