Holiday Wish List: College Hoopdom's Christmas Gifts and Stocking Stuffers
It's the most wonderful time of the year despite lunacy in some quarters claiming government shutdown represents Armageddon and making inane comparisons of illegal aliens to Jesus. Yes, holiday festivities can go awry between Christmas and New Year's Eve. In ghosts of Christmas' past, just ask top-ranked Virginia, which lost at tiny Chaminade in 1982, and NCAA champion-to-be Michigan, which bowed to Alaska-Anchorage on a neutral court in 1988.
Amid the bone-chilling cold celebrations as liberals want us to cower in corner because of global warming while freezing our butts off, a Christmas holiday week absolutely can not go by without the time-honored tradition of making a list and checking it twice. For instance, many observers are thankful national health-care costs for eye and ear care are dramatically decreased from looking at and listening to Melania and Ivanka rather than #ShrillaryRotten and Chelsea until #NannyPathetic regains the House gavel. The college basketball wish list, a stocking stuffer distinguishing between the naughty and nice, doesn't change much from the previous month at Thanksgiving or next week among New Year Resolutions. Opting out from responding to apology demands, some of them may fall in the Christmas Miracle category but following is a healthy serving of food-for-thought wishes presented to college hoop observers:
Wish peace and comfort to family and friends of striking number of former All-American players and prominent coaches who passed away this year.
Wish deserving mid-major players earn All-American acclaim this season.
Wish ex-college hoopers continued success as prominent NFL tight ends.
Wish fans understand how good the Big East Conference first division is after league upheaval several years ago.
Wish special seasons for standout seniors because they didn't abandon college hoops early and give the sport at least some modicum of veteran leadership.
Wish the best for the Ivy League and Patriot League, which seem like the last bastions replete with textbook student-athletes. Five Ivy League institutions - Brown, Cornell, Dartmouth, Harvard and Yale - can still hold their heads high despite each of them posting all-time losing records.
Wish proper acclaim for pristine playmakers who show again and again that "pass" is not a dirty four-letter word amid the obsession with individualistic one-on-one moves by self-absorbed one-and-done scholars.
Wish many highlights for entertaining little big men (players 5-10 or shorter) who inspire us with their self-confidence and mental toughness in the Land of the Giants.
Wish junior college players and foreigners could overcome perceptions in some misguided quarters that they are the rogues of recruiting.
Wish patience for the numerous promising first-year coaches assuming control of programs this season. They need to remember the fortitude exhibited by many of the biggest names in coaching who rebounded from embarrassing defeats in their first season as a head coach. An active luminary who lost multiple games to non-Division I colleges in his initial campaign before ascending to stardom as the all-time winningest coach is Duke's Mike Krzyzewski (lost to SUNY-Buffalo, Scranton and King's College in 1975-76 while coaching Army).
Wish Division I schools will soon find their bearings amid the chaotic restructuring of conferences forsaking tradition although the quest for mega-leagues could be delusional because they're vying for television revenue that might not exist.
Wish more accuracy for recruiting services incapable of discerning multiple recent national player of the year honorees should have been ranked higher. Ditto to announcers who infect the sport by spreading this virus without ever seeing any of the players enough to properly evaluate them.
Wish marquee coaches wouldn't serve up assistants as sacrificial lambs resembling Grinch when the heat of an investigation of their program intensifies. This practice really got out of hand when the FBI was involved.
Wish prominent programs would reduce, if not eliminate, academic exceptions. Of course, the quality of play will diminish by emphasizing textbook student-athletes but it's not as if half of the non-league games on TV aren't mismatches, anyway.
Wish wisdom for anyone who incessantly castigates the majority of undergraduates declaring early for the NBA draft. Before accepting the party line that many of the players are making monumental mistakes by forgoing their remaining college eligibility, remember that more than half of the NBA's All-Pro selections in the last quarter century or so left college early or never attended a university.
Wish a heart for any school not promptly granting a recruit seeking to enroll elsewhere a release from its letter-of-intent when he wants to attend another institution for legitimate reasons.
Wish jaws wired shut for "Me Generation" showmen and "trippers" who've failed to comprehend their respective teams don't benefit on the court from a trash-talking Harlem Globetrotter routine.
Wish self-absorbed players will finally see the light and spend less time getting tattoos and practicing macho dunks and more on team beneficial free throws. It all hinges on dedication. There is a reason they're supposed to be "free" throws instead of Shaq-like "foul" shots.
Wish high-profile coaches would show more allegiance rather than taking off for greener pastures despite having multiple years remaining on their contract. Also wish said pacts didn't include bonus for graduation ratio or GPA insofar as many coaches become Sgt. "I Know Nothing" Schultz whenever academic anemia issues surface.
Wish network analysts would refrain from serving as apologists for the coaching community. When their familiar spiels echo throughout hoopdom, they become nothing more than the big mouths that bore.
Wish marquee schools will vow to stop forsaking entertaining non-conference games with natural rivals while scheduling a half-dozen or more meaningless "rout-a-matics" at home. Aren't two or three gimmes enough?
Wish a generous dose of ethics to defrauding coaches who manipulate junior colleges and high schools into giving phony grades. Ditto coaches who steer prize high school prospects to third parties toying with standardized test results.
Wish authenticity for those "fatherly-advice" coaches who don't mandate that any player with pro potential take multiple financial literacy courses. Did they notice in recent years that products from Alabama, Georgia Tech, Georgetown, Kentucky and Syracuse filed for bankruptcy after combining for more than half a billion dollars in salaries over their NBA careers? What kind of classes are taken in college anyway if a staggering 60% of NBA players file for bankruptcy five years after retirement? There's personal responsibility, but shouldn't the universities they attended feel some sort of culpability? And don't you wish most agents would become extinct if such a high percentage of pros end up with holes in their pockets?
Wish overzealous fans will stop flogging freshmen for not living up to their high school press clippings right away. The impatient onlookers need to get a grip on themselves.
Wish many of the excessive number of small schools with visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads, thinking they can compete at the Division I level, would return to DII or DIII. There are far too many examples of dreamy-eyed small schools that believe competing with the big boys will get them national recognition, make big bucks from the NCAA Tournament and put the institutions on the map. They don't know how unrealistic that goal is until most of the hyphenated and directional schools barnstorm the country during their non-conference schedules in college basketball versions of Bataan Death Marches.
Wish lapdog-lazy media outworked by Louisville Escort Queen and Duke student newspaper would display more energy exhibiting enterprising analysis. Why do almost all of the principal college basketball websites "progressively" look and read virtually the same? It's a byproduct of predictably pathetic press needing a jolt of adversarial reporting.
Wish coaches would "shut up and sing" rather than weigh in with opinions on restroom access, let alone POTUS pap criticism offered principally to appease their player pipeline of 90%-plus leftists.
Wish ESPN, failing to acknowledge significant reduction in subscribers stems from #KneelWithJemele liberalism being a mental disorder, would cease becoming BSPN by giving politically-correct forums to insufferable leftist lunatics such as Howard Bryant and "experts" who either lie to NCAA investigators as a coach, drop their pants for locker-room motivation, get fired for intoxication, participate as agent in funneling funds to regal recruit, can't quite figure out Dell Curry's sons could also be All-Americans and practice reprehensible race-baiting with the intellectually-bankrupt "Uncle Tom" bomb. If not, Extra Sensitive Pious Network will need another new Skipper for sinking ship.